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Getting April

Ask April

Q: Dear April,
I've been reading your column lately, and think you give some interesting advice about relationships. But what I want to know is how I can get one with a woman like you. I'm just your typical guy. What would I have to do to get you to even give me the time of day?
From,
Average Joe


A: Dear Average Joe,
First of all, in order to date a woman like me, you'd have to stop talking about yourself like you're a "typical guy", and start acting like you're the greatest guy. Getting girls is all about your attitude, baby, and yours needs a boost!

You might be wondering what I mean, specifically, when I talk about attitude. Is it the way you walk, or talk, or act toward other people? Yes...and then some. Attitude, I think, is the outward reflection of what's going on inside. When you know you're great, it's reflected in everything you do. There's a level of confidence (the No. 1 quality all women are attracted to) that simply shines through.

But for a guy like Average Joe, who thinks of himself as "typical" (yuck!), that confidence isn't going to show because he doesn't even have it to begin with. The question then becomes: Can he get it? I say...you bet!

Confidence = Attitude = Chicks
I should know a thing or two about finding your confidence—I wrote an entire book on the subject called, Date Out of Your League. It is almost entirely dedicated toward helping men get the hottest women by achieving a better attitude, and totally dispels the myth that I hear all the time from guys about confidence. The myth goes something like this: Confidence is something that comes naturally. You either have it or you don't.

Not true. In fact, very rarely is confidence something you are born with. As I write in my book:

Confidence is a mental quality that is learned and acquired. Its growth is gradual and based upon the accumulation of little successes and skills over time. Confidence comes in knowing what to do and when to do it–then in following through and doing it! Because confidence is a characteristic that you can obtain, the important thing is to set the wheels in motion and begin methodically and progressively building it now, and then continue adding to it...for life.

The biggest contributor to (or detractor of) confidence is attitude. If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't–you're right! Your biggest battle is in your own mind. Your mind can either cast doubt, or it can inspire confidence. Positive thoughts produce positive results. Negative thoughts produce negative results. Attitude communicates your opinion of yourself, of other people, of business and of life in general. Thought becomes reality. Your thoughts become your reality. You become what you think about most.

Getting It
Okay, so you can see how confidence affects your attitude, and attitude affects whether or not you get the girl, along with just about everything else you want in life, too. But...you still don't have it. What to do now? Start implementing a plan of action—today, now, right this very second—that will help you get it.

Here are the basics to get you started:

* Squash negative thoughts—While we may all have self-doubt at times, when it overruns your life, or dictates your decisions, you've let it go too far. It is within your power to put those feelings aside, and opt for more positive, optimistic ones. Plus, women can sense negativity from a mile away, and it's a total turn-off.
* Have a goal—Don't wander aimlessly through life with no direction in mind. Get focused on something—anything—and move toward it.
* Find your passion—Women are passionate about passionate men. Whether it's your career, or art, or, well, just about anything—we like it when you're moved by something. And yes, even sports count...though they're not at the top of our lists.
* Believe in your own greatness—This one is the result of the first three. You don't have to do anything in order to get it except follow through with your plan-of-action. A guy who thinks he's fantastic without being too arrogant is like an aphrodisiac for the girls. Trust me, you'll see...

Tip of the Iceberg
So, Average Joe, you might be thinking right about now that this isn't exactly what you wanted to hear. You wanted pick-up lines and secrets that will get you a date immediately with the hottest women. And while I've got these, too, they simply won't do you any good until you have the fundamentals down.

But I promise that if you work on getting a better self-image, more confidence, and a positive attitude, the rest will be a cakewalk. And if you just can't wait to hear it all, visit my Web site, www.Ask April.com and sign up for Win With Women!, my workshop for men only! We talk about confidence and clothes and pickup lines and humor and chivalry. Hope to see you there!

But I promise that if you work on getting a better self-image, more confidence, and a positive attitude, the rest will be a cakewalk. And if you just can't wait to hear it all, visit my Web site, www.Ask April.com and sign up for Win With Women!, my workshop for men only! We talk about confidence and clothes and pickup lines and humor and chivalry. Hope to see you there!

Ready for even more bold, brutally honest, and always helpful dating advice? Visit my Web site, www.Ask April.com There, you'll find informative articles, expert columnists, interactive quizzes, and free giveaways! And don't forget to also check out my workshops, designed to help you find you real "soul mate"!

© 2005 April Masini
BRIEF BIO
Nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini writes 'AskApril.com,' the hot, provocative dating and relationship online magazine, the critically acclaimed 'Ask April' advice column and is the author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League (TurnKey Press, 0-9746763-0-6) as well as the newly released, Think & Date Like A Man (iUniverse, 0-595-37466-2). Interviewed for over 2,100 national and international articles and opinion pieces, radio and televions shows, including those on CBS, FOX, ABC, CNN, MSN, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, New York Daily News, Newsday, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Maxim, Wired, AOL, WebMD, and Yahoo! -- "April writes what Dear Abby will never print, and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you!"




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