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Can You Be Firm And Controlled?

I've been doing online dating and I'm running into a problem. I can't keep them straight. I'll ask about some girl's dog and she's not the one with the dog. Do you know of a method for keeping things like this straight?

Also , how many times do you email back and forth before you set up a meeting? Do you ask for pics first so you don't waste your time? Do you send yours?

Keep up the good work. Alphaseduction is great. Still working through it because it is a lot of material. Already started to implement some of it and I already notice the difference in the way I feel.


Isn't it great when there are so many women in your life that you lose track of them all?

THIS is the problem you WANT to have.

Other guys are hating you right now.

You need to create a database with all your information in one place and keep it with you. Every time you email a woman (and she emails back), you simply make a note in your file of her nickname and her important facts.

"Jean - Dog (terrier), Real Estate broker, just moved here, likes watching Law and Order. Address, phone number."

If you see her more than once, the important stuff will start to stick. But it is important not to put facts out there you're not sure of. "So how's your mom?" "Uh, she died last year."


Why haven't you gotten the Dating Black Book yet? I included the Dating Objective Planner in there for you to track your dates.

I email them NO MORE than once or twice before getting the phone number. If she balks, she's probably got issues that I don't want to deal with. (Most women don't want to be a pen-pal either, so it's EASY to get them to fork over the phone number.)

And yes, I always ask for a picture before going any further. In fact, I typically won't email women who don't put their picture up. Why bother? Most women without issues will, and you don't have to ask. And ask yourself why aren't the others putting it up?


I am 19 years old and attend a community college. At my gym there is a girl who works there that I have been attracted to ever since I joined which was about 2 years ago. She and I had a class together a year ago, but didn't talk too much.

Recently when I was working out with my
friend, I ran into another kid I know who also knows a bit about the girl I am interested in. He says she doesn't have a boyfriend so my buddy whom I was working out with says, "Dude you should go for it and ask her to go to a party with you." At first I was hesitant, but then I figured what the hell.

So after our workout (this was last Saturday mind you) I approached her and asked her how class was going for her this semester just making small talk. I told her how I didn't really like my classes too much and then I said, "You know J, there is a party going on tonight if you would be interested in going." She said, "Sure, you want to give me directions and I will see if I can get some people to go?"

I then said, "Why don't you give me your
number, that way if it is any good I will call you and you and your friends can meet me there." I tried not to make it look like I was asking for her number and she gave it to me. I told her I would call her that night and she said ok.

I forgot once I left the gym that I had to work till 1.
So, I called Jen at 8 and told her, "I'm going to be
working until 11 but if you and your friends want to meet for that party after that would be cool." She said sure and to give her a call and if she wasn't doing anything she would stop by.

When the time came at 11:15 or so I
gave her a call and she didn't pick up the phone. I was pretty bummed out. I then had a plan to say to her when I next went to the gym that I would explain to her that she should have come and that the party was awesome but it was no big deal and maybe we could do it another time.

The past few days however at the gym she wasn't really available to talk since she was busy doing other things. Today however she caught me off guard when I saw her at school and she smiled and say hey to me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and I was nervous. I told her, "Hey you should have camy by the other night."

She said, "Yeah, my friend just got an
apartment and we went up there for the night." I tired not to look nervous and said, "Well maybe if there is anything going on this weekend I'll give you a call." She said ok and we parted our ways to class. Did I do the right thing?

I just got your e-book and it looks great. I tried to make it seem like I wasn't asking for a date, but I am confused about what to do. I won't give up on this one yet. There is no reason why I can't start seeing her. Any advice you can give me would be great!

Good for your friend for giving you a nudge in the right direction. Most guys would just say, "Forget it... she'd never go out with you." We should all have a friend like that who gets us going. And good for you to have had the balls to go up and do it.

Let's cover the bases on this:

1) Don't worry so much about trying to appear like you're NOT trying to get her number. If you have a good enough reason why, and she goes along with it, who cares? The most important part is that you ASK for it.

2) Let's see. You ASKED her if she wanted to meet you. "If you're interested..."
It's good that you asked, but you can do this one better - TELL her next time. Say, "Hey, Karen, when I get off work I'm going to a party. I'll meet you there at 11:30. It's going to be FAN-tastic!"

Make it sound like a definite time, not an "IF" time. Your words have to communicate that it's the best offer she's going to get this year, and she'd be a fool not to take you up on it.

3) When a woman says, "give me a call," and if she's "not doing anything," they really mean this:

"Give me a call" = "I don't want to lock myself in, so I will try to appear available until the last possible second."

"If I'm not doing anything" = "if you're the best option, because I'll always be doing SOMETHING."

The whole phrase put together actually means, "I want to leave myself open for the most fun I can have without turning anyone down. If you're the most promising alternative, you'll be my choice. But you have to really sound like a great time."

But let's think about this for a second - She's probably not going to want to take her friends to a stranger's party with a guy she just met. Think about it from her perspective.

What if the party was lame?

What if YOU were lame?

She doesn't know enough about you quite yet to take that kind of risk, especially with friends.

What you have to do is arrange to be somewhere where she is, or just get her out alone with you (the better of the two.) You really don't want her friends around. They'll just cockblock you left and right.

4) You did the right thing by telling her she should have come by the other night to the party, but you have to pump up the intensity of the great time she missed out on. Did you communicate that with your smile and tone of voice? Or will she see it as a lame attempt to save face?

You also don't want to make that the first thing you talk to her about. In reality, you wouldn't even bring it up because you had another woman lined up right after her, and you lose track of your ladies so easily, right? So why would THAT be your first topic of conversation?

5) NEVER tell a woman "oh, that's okay that you stood me up..." Which is what you're saying when you made it all right after she gave that lame-ass excuse.

Women are flakes. That's just a rule. But don't ever make her behavior "okay" with you. You don't berate her or make her feel bad, but never acknowledge that it's okay to mistreat you. That screams out "I'm a WIMPY NICE GUY! Walk on me! As long as it's attention, I'll take it!"

You just communicate what a shame it was that she didn't impress you with her follow-through. Tease her and bust her chops, the way I instruct you in the book.

6) You finished off on the right note, dude. "There's no reason I can't start seeing her."

THAT is the attitude of a man who will persist. Most often, guys just give up and move on too soon, not realizing that they just need to try a different strategy.

I smell the Alpha on you, and it's all good, buddy....

Here's what you do:

The next time you see her at the gym, ignore her completely. Be so totally lost in your workout that she will have to walk up to you to break you from your intense trance.

When you're sure she understands that you weren't paying her any attention, walk up to her (without asking her how she is, or any of that fluffy

"Hey, I'm going out for coffee after I'm done here. Come with me if you want to have some fun. That is, if you can keep up YOUR end of a conversation." Smile.

What she needs right now is for you to take control and be CONFIDENT and DEFINITE with her.

Don't just wait for another "party" to come along that she can back out of. It's your job to MAKE opportunities for her to enjoy your company. That's your role, dude. You're the reality TV show host of your own wild world of excitement, and she MIGHT get to be a part of it.

Communicate with your attitude that SHE would be the one to miss out if she didn't go along with you.

You see, most guys kiss up to a woman and work too hard to get her attention, not knowing that they need to get her ATTRACTION.

And you can't do it with a soft, nice guy attitude. You get "Nice" when you lose confidence in yourself.

Can you be firm and controlled?

Do you have what it takes to CHALLENGE women?

Or are you going to break down and treat her ... NICE.

How many times have you heard this: "Nice Guys just don't get laid."

The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not. And now we are going to show you the reasons why, and help you get rid of the "Nice Guy" forever.

Are you ready to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start being a real Alpha Man?

Well, the Secrets are here: THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.

Download it here:

Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.

You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!

The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at: www.datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm

Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?


Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.

Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.

Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:

- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- A-Lovelinks-Plus
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living

- Carlos Xuma

email: advice@datingdynamics.com

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