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Dating Truth - Know When She's Messing With YouQUESTION:
Hello great newsletters, thank you for the tips...
i need some advice for a complicated situation, i am interested in this girl but she has rejected me before , i believe it was because my wussy behavior toward her because she semmed interested in me in the beginning. the funny thing is everytime i keep away from her she tries to make contact with me, and when i show my interest in her she keeps away.
we had many arguments because of this, because i felt she was playing games, but now i think that my behaviour had a lot to do with what was happening. now i know i am not suppost to chase her or show her to much interest.
Anyway, after not talking for a couple of months, she seemed to be interested in me again, she would go to the same dancing class , she knew i used to go , i ignore her at first , but then everytime i saw her i would say hi, she would not say hi back and just look at me in an angry way, after a month she finally said hi back and a couple of weeks later she initiated a conversation wich i kept short because i did not know exactly what to say or how to behave, she said it was good to see me and smile a lot to me , when i said i had to go , she seemed angry and turn away fast almost leaving me talking with my self, anyway how should i behave now and what should i say to her when i see her again, i still like her a lot but i do not want to make any more wussy mistakes and be rejected by her again. thank you in advance for your advice - J.A
That's a hell of a run-on sentence, J. Phew...
Honestly? It's not that complicated.
She IS playing games, dude. BIG time. With your head and your heart.
You've got a very immature girl here who does not deserve the attention you're giving her.
First of all, let me state this very clearly:
After behaving like a wuss (i.e., catering to her every whim, kissing her a$$), it is almost ALWAYS a better idea to move on than to throw more good money after bad chasing the same girl. You're already at a SEVERE disadvantage, and you've lost respect that is going to be VERY difficult to regain.
She is only responding to supply and demand of your attention right now, not your genuine traits of confidence and character. Personally, I wouldn't want a woman around who didn't want me for ME. If she's ONLY responding to your scarcity, that's not going to work out in the end.
You see, we're all challenged by what we cannot have. I saw some show the other day where a character said, "We all just covet what we cannot have."
It is almost ALWAYS less work for you to just go out and find a new girl.
AND, ironically, it's this very act of moving on that gives you the best chance for getting another chance with this girl. Because in the process of shifting your attention and focus like this, you will be demonstrating the qualities that she's attracted to.
Independence. You won't appear needy and wimpy. You'll seem like you have the self-assuredness that this one girl is not the be-all, end-all of your life.
Simultaneously, you'll be developing more SELF-respect in the process. And that is PRICELESS to a man.
You seem to understand my words when I say for you to hold back on showing your interest. Don't flood her with attention. And when you do hold back, you see results. She comes back to you. You don't withhold attention to manipulate, but to give her the space to feel some attraction in response. It's simple human nature.
But watch out! Some women THRIVE off this dynamic in the wrong way.
Some women only want your attention when you're NOT giving it to them. And, this can easily progress into a much worse situation: To keep her fully interested in you, she would eventually demand ABUSIVE behavior.
In other words, down the road, if you get a girl like this hooked, she's only going to stick around to ride the drama roller-coaster with you. When you shun her or fail to give her attention, she'll come running, all smiles and wet kittens for you. Then, when you show her attention, she will mistreat or abuse you. Later on, to get any reaction from her, she'll pull you into angry and aggressive behavior toward her as a way of satisfying her needs.
You know that I only condone respectful and honorable treatment of women - and yourself. This is not the way to keep going.
Frankly, letting her walk off in mid-sentence is abuse - plain and simple. You may not see it as such, but it's the tip of a very big and painful iceberg.
And you know what? It only escalates from here.
You revealed something very important when you said: "but i do not want to make any more wussy mistakes and be rejected by her again."
The fear of making mistakes and being rejected IS BEING A WUSS.
(For those of you who do not know the meaning of WUSS, it is a cross between a WIMP and a P*SSY. You get the point.)
You see, you can't be afraid of rejection or of not having her approval, or you'll immediately revert to wimpy behavior. If you're too afraid of what she thinks about you, you're reacting to her, and she OWNS you. She CONTROLS you.
Tell me, how does that feel?
You can please some of the people all of the time, or all of the people some of the time, but you can NEVER please ALL of the people ALL of the time.
That's a recipe for self-destruction in dating and seduction. And turns you into a boot-licking toadie that cares more about being LIKED than being the person you were meant to be.
Better to please yourself FIRST and make your life happy and prosperous. No one else will do that for you. They haven't genetically engineered a special breed of human that will never reject you or hurt you. There will always be someone who doesn't approve or even like you much.
The best you can hope to do is to find the people who genuinely like and appreciate YOU, not the you that only wants their approval.
Stand alone, but with the will and the power to impact others.
Find a woman that doesn't demand negative attention as a way of feeling loved. This gal you're obviously hooked on is manipulating you by use of the giving and withdrawal of attention and affections. You're her yo-yo, responding with each tug and spin. Women that pull strings like this are dangerous to be around. She uses her pouty behavior to get what SHE wants. Not what YOU want.
There are a lot of women to avoid out there. In fact, I run through a whole list of them in my e-books. You've probably heard me say that it's just as important to know what you don't want as much as what you do want. You've got to be able to spot these flawed personalities early enough so that you don't get sucked down into their games.
Also, women are getting more and more picky, and they can sniff out inferior men with just a whiff of your confidence. And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU want.
There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world.
Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
You've heard me say this before: Getting laid is not about getting "lucky."
It's about having the right knowledge and understanding up front. Women are actually WAITING for men to date and sleep with, if you'll just give them the right reasons WHY they should be with YOU. It's deliberate and on-purpose, not subject to the whims of chance and fate.
BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you.
I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure.
You need this knowledge and understanding.
When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
When you demonstrate better behavior, you will get better RESULTS.
Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. Don't make me send Tony Soprano over there to wake you up.
My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
And the advanced audio series is also finally ready to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand. You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile.
The monthly audio series is over 80 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at:
You see, the first 30-60 days of any dating relationship with a woman is THE most volatile, since almost ALL the mistakes are made here. If you last past this point, chances are you'll be able to keep her for as long as you like.
If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then my e-book and audio coaching will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. It's like getting a book that shows you how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years. You get to peek behind the scenes and learn how things REALLY work.
I remember when this realization hit me, and how excited I was. I stayed up that night writing out how I'd use the knowledge to improve my dating life. It wasn't until years later that I got around to writing the book on it, but I finally did it. And now you can download all these priceless strategies right now at: www.datingdynamics.com/ebookstore.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
If there is, you should let me know... because your priorities may be a little whacked.
"Carlos knows exactly what he's doing and reveals all in his Dating Black Book. You can't go wrong when you follow what he teaches. I can tell you that he studies this game like an expert. He invests both his time and money to provide his subscribers with the best dating tips, resources and information. I already got more than my money's worth from his Dating Black Book and highly recommend it to you."
- David Kwan, DatingClass.com
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
- Carlos Xuma
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