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Have You Busted Her Balls Today?

"Ever heard of fear factor? Thanks to you pal, I got none. Put that in your testimonials. ha,ha. You rock, man! You are an answer to my prayers. I mean that literally."

I like to start out with reader applause. It gives me a warm fuzzy.

Have you busted her balls today?

A lot of the Tease to Please technique requires an understanding of a subtle concept that all of us have used at some time or another. It's called "busting her balls" (or a more gentle version is "yanking her chain.")

I'm Italian, and one of the hallmarks of our ethnic upbringing (as well as growing up on the East Coast) is that you learn that everyone wants to bust your balls. Everybody likes to try and trick you into believing something, or getting you to feel a little foolish for your gullibility. It can seem like a cruel tactic, but it does toughen you up a bit, as well as make you think for yourself.

The best example of busting balls (and the most harsh) is from the movie "Goodfellas." There's a famous scene where Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) and Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) are in a restaurant after hours, and Joe Pesci's character stops the conversation in mid-laughter to ask Henry what he meant by a comment. "What do you mean, I'm a funny guy? What makes me so funny? Am I a clown?" The situation gets very tense because Tommy looks serious, and Tommy is a bit psycho. Henry starts to back down, getting a little scared. Then Henry figures out that Tommy is just pulling his chain, and they all get a laugh.

When I first saw this scene when the movie came out, it sent a chill down my back. It was EXACTLY how people in my family (and my friends) would clown around, and it has a VERY humbling affect. I don't suggest you ever take it to this extreme, but you should definitely study the movie to see what the dynamic of this is.

To do this with a woman, you must be much more gentle, but the situation is much the same.

- You say something to her that could be interpreted as serious, but you are really joking.
- You let her think you're serious for a short period
- You then let her in on it for a sheepish laugh

It's a form of teasing, pure and simple.

It takes some refinement to know when and where to stop, but it works WONDERS with especially attractive women who are used to getting their own way and manipulating men. You want to strip away this pretense as soon as you can, and busting her balls is how you get there.


I thank you for a great book!! I read it through several times. You have mentioned that in our society sex is acceptable within 3 or 4 dates. What happens if she doesn't give it up during that time. Also, you believe that patience should be the way to go for seduction and confidence to work but how about the time frame of those 3 or 4 dates issue. -D

Very good question.

Keep in mind, I said sex is acceptable on the 3rd or 4th date, but not GUARANTEED. And that schedule is only good if you've been doing the right things to engage her trust and attraction. Let's look at your terminology- "Give it up." That makes it sound like something you're prying from her fingers.

The situation to shoot for is to have her trying to pry it from YOURS. It's a cognitive shift that will give you more understanding of your overall attitude.

If a woman is not giving you what you want, take a look at why. Are you taking the right steps?
- Progressing along the Dating Continuum
- Not pestering her for sex
- Stimulating and teasing her enough to drive her passion up

And are you making the situation MUTUALLY beneficial? What's in it for HER?

You MUST do these critical things for a woman to want to go to bed with you.

Remember, it will ALWAYS be on her timetable, but you make it appear to be when YOU are ready to give it up. Some women do take longer, and the 3-4 date rule is by no means carved in stone. If things are moving steadily forward, and you're both happy with the pace and progress, keep it up. Don't be afraid to turn up the heat a notch or two to get her attraction and passion burning.

Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.

Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.

Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:

- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- A-Lovelinks-Plus
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living

- Carlos Xuma

email: advice@datingdynamics.com

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