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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
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How To Contact HerQUESTION:
I am 30 yrs old and just out of a divorce. It is time to move on and find a woman i can share my heart with. My problem is i have NO self confidence and i am extremely shy in social situations. I cant just walk up to a woman and "buy her a drink" and just start talking.
A few weeks ago I was sitting next to a this woman on a plane and we had a great conversation the entire flight. Well, like an idiot I didn't even attempt to get her number, but I did find out her name and where she works. My question is, in trying to get in touch with this woman, would it be better to stop by her place of employment or give her a quick phone call to see about getting together for drinks?
First of all, I need to point out a new way of looking at asking women for their numbers or contact information. Now, after not asking her and wishing you had, you understand how important it is to get the number when you're talking to her. You got lucky that you had enough information to find her later.
What typically happens is that you'd be kicking yourself for weeks over not getting her number. And that is far more painful than any possible rejection you might have been imagining when you talked yourself out of asking for it in the first place.
Don't forget that pain of regret, because that's your fuel - your energy - to change old habits into new. NEXT time you'll get that number if you remember the pain of missing the opportunity the first time. Think of it as a mental kick in the butt.
As for your Airplane Babe, well you can go after her, but you have to be very cautious. It's creepy for a guy to track down a woman like this, because it appears a bit "stalker-ish."
That is, unless he communicates his confidence with his persistence. If you do that, then she'll be impressed and attracted.
Don't "stop by." Far too weird. Instead, give her a quick call and just say:
"Hey, I remembered you from the plane trip, and I thought you might be cool to hang out with. I'm going to Delaney's Pub on Thursday. Join me there. We'll get a drink and talk some more, that is, if you've got any good conversation left in you." (Note the slight tease at the end.)
You see, this communicates to her that you're not desperate (and this is SO important). You're not asking her, you're TELLING her, which communicates confidence. And you're already going to this pub, so she's just joining you in your already exciting life.
That's attractive to a woman, and it communicates all the right things about you. You've got your life together, and you're looking to add to it.
Now, you also mentioned your shyness, and isn't it ironic how so many shy guys feel lonely, and yet there's so MANY of them out there?
It doesn't have to be this way. You can and will get out there and be a stud again. Just don't hurry the process. You're recently divorced, so you don't need to be in any hurry to jump into another relationship. Being 30 and single is no big deal these days, so don't worry about the clock ticking on you.
What will pressure you most is that you don't feel like you have the SKILLS to attract women, so you will want to "lock something down" really fast when it comes along.
This is the scarcity mentality that you must avoid at all costs.
I already see some danger signs in what you said about finding a woman to "share your heart with." That's needy-speak, and it indicates that you're in shock of being thrown back to being alone.
Just get out there, get experience, and get comfortable being ALONE first. Then you can convey the right attitude that will attract women later on. If you don't lean back and get relaxed with your lifestyle, you'll communicate a nervous desperation that will undermine all your future attempts.
Your confidence has been shaken by the end of your marriage, but you can't let that hurry you into something that will hurt you later on. Use this time to get your life into ship-shape.
Get exercising, if you haven't already. Get a few new hobbies. Create a life that a woman will want to participate in.
And you'll find that your shyness will fade as soon as you discover that you've got nothing to fear out there. When you know you'll be fine alone is when you'll find (and keep) another.
You see, most guys kiss up to a woman and work too hard to get her attention, not knowing that they need to get her ATTRACTION.
And you can't do it with a soft, nice guy attitude. You get "Nice" when you lose confidence in yourself.
Can you be firm and controlled?
Do you have what it takes to CHALLENGE women?
Or are you going to break down and treat her ... NICE.
How many times have you heard this:
"Nice Guys just don't get laid."
The Nice Guy SEEMS like what women want, but he's not. And now we are going to show you the reasons why, and help you get rid of the "Nice Guy" forever.
Are you ready to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence?
And don't forget my e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will also help you get all of that ... and then some.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
Where do you go for the information you need?
THE DATING BLACK BOOK has the complete breakdown of the dating scene, and it's ready for download right now, no matter where you are or what time it is in the world.
Download it here:
Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at: www.datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
- Carlos Xuma
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