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No More CuddlingQUESTION:
Well Carlos, it happened. I didn't think it would with this girl, but it happened. I find myself becoming immensely attracted to the girl who was giving me mixed signals last weekend. Last night my friends and these girls got a motel room, just to party and have fun in.
At first I just wanted to hook with the girl, but she said she wasn't into the one night stands which I respected of course. It actually made me think a lot more of her and as corny as it sounds we just "cuddled" and talked the whole night and it was actually fun. Her cousin told me she wants to see me again and wants me to call her. How long should I wait before calling her again?
One more thing. Supposedly she usually doesn't date guys like me. What I mean is, she has a history of dating older guys. Her and I are 20, and I guess she used to date 30 year olds. How can I compete with that?
It's like they have a huge advantage over me since she most likely thinks of them as more mature. She told her cousin she wasn't going to let something like this stop her from seeing me, but still.
I feel a little insecure. How can I keep her at bay and wanting more? I used the tease to please method you described in your book and it worked like a charm to get her interested in me in the first place. I want her to not be able to stop thinking of me. What do I have to do?
You're hooked on the girl who is giving you mixed signals?
Are you sure?
That's a surprise.
Get ready to be called on the carpet for this one. I wouldn't be doing my job if I sugar coated this. Dude, you're falling prey to the ONE thing I warn you about most. When a woman runs hot and cold, the guy is INEVITABLY drawn in because he doesn't know where he stands with her.
Remember my recipe for emotional addiction:
Take 1 part Attraction and Hope mixed with 1 part Doubt and Uncertainty.
Stir together for a week or two, cook at room temperature, and you have HOPELESS INFATUATION.
(Add in a little Masturbation and Fantasy and you get TRUE LOVE.)
Sound harsh? It's damn well true. Guys fall for this one by the TRUCKLOADS.
Cuddle all night...?
Holy S**t, dude. You gotta be kidding me. You fell for that one, too. This is another classic CHICK LURE.
They get you all hot and bothered, keep you at that temperature for HOURS and HOURS with no release, and in the process YOU are now totally smitten. She gets EVERYTHING she wants, and you got next to NOTHING. She even used that line about "not wanting one night stands." EVERY WOMAN ON THE PLANET says that. Have you EVER heard a woman say they WANT a one night stand? (Review the "Slut Complex" from the e-books and audio.)
EVERY WOMAN on the PLANET will have a one night stand if the conditions are right. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to sleep with her on the first date, but WATCH OUT! She's now got you in the one-down position because she got the first right of refusal.
She's also got you feeling insecure about her dating history. Oh, that's great. She's even got you feeling like you have to PROVE yourself to her. (i.e., QUALIFYING.) And you're even imagining you're in competition with GUYS WHO DON'T EVEN EXIST YET.
Do you see where I'm going with this? She's messing with your mind.
Let's see, you used my strategies to get her interested. Now you ask what's the best way for you to get her to keep her wanting more?
Hmm. Gee, I don't know....
How about you KEEP DOING what I tell you in the books. And since she's now more interesting to you for having treated you this way ...
... Why don't you do to HER what SHE IS DOING TO YOU?
That's right, you give HER the SAME EXACT treatment (without looking like you're doing it out of revenge...)
Give HER a little uncertainty and doubt. She needs to be qualifying herself to YOU. Not the other way around. Call her in four days from when you last spoke to her. But don't talk to her. Leave her a message that hints that you'll call her back. Maybe. Then let HER sit in uncertainty for a while longer.
And for gosh sakes, man, get out there and meet more women. You'll buffer this infatuation and keep yourself stable. If you don't, next week you'll be writing to me wanting to know why she's suddenly gone after you left her flowers and poems.
Don't laugh. I'm dead serious.
Ok, basically the issue is bringing up to woman the topic of the fact that I don't want a serious relationship, that I like to sleep with whomever I want, etc. When should I address this to a woman I am interested in-BEFORE I get physical with her or after?
If she asks my dating status prior, how should I address it, and are the words to be used important?
I find this really confusing, because I feel like the the woman will feel led on maybe if I don't tell her what I want right away but at the same time I feel like it will get all her defenses up, she get the anti slut thing going on and may reject getting physical with me, not getting to FEEL how good sleeping with me is, and I think once a woman feels this she will be more inclined to sleep with me regardless.
Basically I bring this up because I had conflicts with the last few gals I got involved with about this. We all know that woman by nature seem to prefer just sleeping with one guy at a time, want more committed relationships then men probably, etc.
The thing is, the guys woman are attracted to most probably are sleeping around, talk to a lot of woman, etc. etc...so obviously the guys woman want the most are sleeping with lots of woman in many cases, ones who say all the things like "I don't want to get hurt, I only sleep with a man who only sleeps with me too, I want commitment, " etc. etc.
I mean some of the best guys out there with woman have slept with hundreds and the rare ones thousands of women, I mean what the hell do these guys do? Sleep with a woman the first day they meet and never talk to her again? Thanks for the advice...
The answer to this situation has a couple sides. First of all, ask yourself WHY YOU CARE if she knows you are dating other people. Because of what you think she'd think of you, right?
Most guys are very afraid of letting a woman know that they're dating other people because they think the woman only wants a guy who wants a LONG TERM relationship. Not so.
This is what a woman LOGICALLY might think... but once she's in a relationship, she'll find her way out if she wants another guy. (And this is often how it goes down. A woman thinks that she's a slut if she sleeps with a bunch of men, so she'll figure her own way of getting out of a relationship if it suits her.)
You see, women aren't ready to settle down at 18.
In fact, most women don't feel the need to "settle down" until MUCH later, and a guy on her hip all the time would seriously be an obstacle to her FUN.
In fact, there are a LOT of women that only want the occasional one night stands. (Of course, they'd never admit this, but it's true.)
AND it's been proven statistically that women cheat JUST AS MUCH as men do.
But who do you hear about more often?
When MEN cheat.
Hmm. I wonder why that's so. Actually, I already know. It's because women can keep secrets, and men CANNOT. So don't cloud your thinking with the idea that you have to lie or withhold your intentions from a woman to keep her around. You said: "We all know that woman by nature seem to prefer just sleeping with one guy at a time, want more committed relationships then men probably, etc."
This is a common misunderstanding about women. You even suspect that it might not be right because you added that "probably" on at the end.
Women keep this perception up because it makes them seem more EXCLUSIVE and HARD TO GET. It works to their ADVANTAGE if you think they want something that you don't.
It's true that women tend to prefer dating just one guy, but that's only AFTER she's become attached to the one guy. Hell, even MEN prefer just one woman after they've become emotionally attached. So f***ing what?
The best way is to be up-front and clear, but tell her nothing certain as to how you feel about her. If she asks about being exclusive before you get physical, tell her before. If you get physical, it's your responsibility to let her know RIGHT AFTER that you aren't looking to settle down right away. If she gets mad, that's her problem. You didn't mislead her just because you didn't give her a speech before you did the nasty. (And NO, you're not a BAD man or a DOG if you do this.)
You have to let a woman know she's got to prove herself before you will keep her for the long term. Beware of your assumptions. You don't need to make a relationship commitment to sleep with a woman. In fact, that's one sure fire way to scare them off. All you have to do is tell her you are still looking for the right woman for you, and it MIGHT be her. And it might NOT.
You just need to see where things go FOR NOW. Give her hope that it COULD be her, if she proves herself WORTHY. And you don't make that decision for AT LEAST a month or two. Then bust HER chops for being in a rush to get serious with you so quickly.
In fact, I created a program especially focused on handling these and many other situations so that you can establish your value, believe in it, and then communicate it to women. If you don't have it already, you need to get my DATING BLACK BOOK e-book right away. This e-book program provides you with the inside knowledge to understand and get more women in your life.
Download it here:
Use the Advanced Audio Coaching to help you build on that knowledge and take your success to the extreme. Imagine having a coach giving you tips, strategies, and a complete breakdown on how to improve your technique and success with women - first hand.
You can listen to this audio RIGHT NOW on your PC or Mac, and you can even use your MP3 player to take the learning and go mobile. Put it on your i-pod!
The monthly audio series is over 100 minutes of advice and explosive tips, and it's available for download at: www.datingdynamics.com/audioprog.htm
Is there ANYTHING else worth learning more than how to be successful with women?
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
- Carlos Xuma
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