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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
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The Dating Truth for Men 2At lunch yesterday I saw this really great looking classy girl. She was obviously having lunch with some co-workers, as was I. We made eye contact a few times and exchanged smiles. How does one go about approaching her? If she "separated from the pack" I could have maybe done something. Is this a lost cause for future encounters of this type?
Ah, yes, the old "get her away from the pack" question. This is a common situation for guys, and it is very daunting at first because of the high potential for what he imagines would be social embarrassment. To answer one of your questions, NO, it is never a lost cause. Remember, every situation can be handled if you stop and think about what makes sense to try. We're human beings; we're problem solvers.
In the situation you were in, it sounds as though you were given some definite interest signals. When you make eye contact and get a smile, you should move in immediately.
- Why? Why not wait until you get a 'convenient' break from the herd?
1) If you wait, you'll end up lowering her interest, because you won't look self-confident if you wait around skulking on the fringes. The Serengeti is full of tigers who will pounce on their prey. The longer you wait, the more she thinks "Wimp."
2) If you wait, you let your LoserBoy start talking to you. He's that voice in your head that talks to you in order to undermine your success so you two can sit at home watching "The Bachelorette" and drinking bad light beer. He'll start to turn you into a chicken by whispering sweet nothings in your ear, like "Aaah, she's probably already taken," or "She just wants to eat her lunch, not meet a possibly interesting person." Don't give Loserboy the chance to start talking.
So, the question remains: How do you butt in without feeling like a schmuck?
You don't say whether she was with male and female coworkers, but I'll assume the group had more than one female in it. If this is the case, your best option is always to have a wingman who can break the ice for you. You get one of the guys in your little group to go over and pretend as though he knows another girl in her group. (Please choose a decent wingman for this, too. You don't want anyone to do an embarrassing lead-in.) You accompany him. While he chats the other gal up, you introduce yourself to the lady you saw. Say something like, "Hey, you're not going to try one of those lines on me, like 'what's your sign, baby' are you?" And give a sly smile.
Remember, always use your friends to help out. You'll be doing them and you a favor. Chances are, most of them are dying to meet new ladies, and you can look like the stud who has the balls to go out and get them. Enlist one in advance and have them ready to fly intercept for you.
You want the dumbest, and easiest introduction? This one works better when you haven't already made eye contact, but you can still use it: Bump into her. That's right. Just walk up and 'accidentally' bump her a little, and then apologize. But then act surprised that it's her and make a comment like, "You know I was thinking about doing that on-purpose, but my clumsy ass went and did it anyway. Hi! What's your name?" Then joke with her: "Hey, I saw you before. You planned that little bump, didn't you? I tell you, what some women will do." (Again, don't forget your winning smile.)
Don't get too clever with approach lines. Just take a look at her and find something you can ask her about. Is she wearing a cool watch? A nice necklace? Nice shoes? Then you come up to her and say: "Hi, I noticed your watch/shoes/whatever, and I wondered if you got that in this neighborhood? I'm looking for something for my sister." Then, always follow up with a teasing comment: "I mean, she's a lot younger than you, but you're pretty fashionable for an old lady." And give a big smile to show her you're busting her balls. If she gets indignant or weird, you excuse yourself and move on. But that's pretty rare. More than likely, you've got yourself a conversation with a woman. Congratulations!
Then end with the "Well, I have to get back to my friends. It was nice talking to you." And then get her number. For extra points in the Brass Balls department, if the number of ladies in the group is roughly equivalent to the number of guys in yours, bring them all over to your table (after you get the gal's number you wanted.) Say: "Hey, I'd like to offer some hospitality if you fine ladies would like to join up with us and meet some new people." Your friends will be in awe of you. You can wait on that one until you've gotten comfortable with the "break into the herd" approach.
Don't do the lurking by the bathroom ploy. If she's got a big bladder, you're in for a long wait. And you look a little silly and overzealous. Just think to yourself what you would want if you were in a group of friends. DUH! You'd WANT her to come over and break in to talk for a minute, right? So why wouldn't SHE? (If you want to know an advanced technique that will net you a much higher success in getting her number, get THE DATING BLACK BOOK. I've got the breakdown on the process of getting the number before you scare her off.)
Remember, guys: If she's interested, she doesn't care how you introduce yourself, just as long as you DO.
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Advanced Audio Coaching Series, and too many other articles to mention.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics newsletter gives advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Carlos Xuma helps men get more confidence and success with women ... After all, every man has the right to a healthy dating life. Dating Dynamics provide advice, articles, books, audio, and all the resources a mand needs for success.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
- Maxim Radio
- Utopia Radio
- Bikini Hangout
- Seduction Insider
- Don Juan Center
- Dating Newsletter
- Single Again
- Cliff's List
- Dating Class
- The Dating Insider Book
- Man Mindset
- Summum Magazine
- Savvy Insider - the art of single living
- Carlos Xuma
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