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How Do I Make It Through?

Dear Dr. Dennis,

I was in a relationship for 5 and a half years. The relationship is breaking up. My partner is not satisfied with me, I believe. He has said he wants to see other people and wants to consider other options. But he says he still cares or me and he is confused. I just read a series of letters he wrote to some girl, and I am hurting like hell. He is my only friend and I feel like I am in complete darkness without him.

I have decided to end the relationship. But I need your advice how I can get through this difficult situation and how we can remain friends and business partners.

Thanks for everything,


It appears that you invested 5 years into him and your relationship but forgot to invest in yourself. This is one of the most common reasons for people to break up! In a relationship where one partner grows faster than the other, there soon becomes no common-ground for the relationship to survive. Life is about growing and re-inventing one's self. Herein lies your opportunity for getting through all of this.

Sit down and figure out what it is that you want in your life. Not "whom", but "what". Take some real time here and craft your ideal life. Sure - it's going to have a good, happy relationship in it, but that can't be all you're looking for. You have a clean slate now to decide exactly how you want your life to be. Try to be as specific as possible and take some real time here.

As soon as you create this goal, next work on your plan. How are you going to achieve it? What changes have to be made in your life in order to get what you want? How will you go about effecting these changes? Create a real plan of action.

The most important step is this: go from a "human being" to a "human doing". Take action! Get to work on your plan. Find something everyday that will get you closer to your goals and don't let a single day go by that you don't accomplish something positive. What you'll find is that when you focus on your own path and growth-plan great people seem to come to you. Some will help you reach your next goal and some will help you enjoy them. It doesn't matter which type a person is - they are all important as you move through your plan.

The best part of this is that as you start to grow, you'll find that your pain starts to fade! You'll meet new guys, have new experiences, and become much more of the person you want to be. But, the trick is to get started. What can you do today to begin this process? I suggest you get started right now.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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