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I Donít Want to Look Like an Idiot!

Hey Doc!

I work with this girl I really like and I talk to her every time we have a chance. She is the reason why I still stay at my job. She is funny and she makes me have a fun time whenever we work together, but I don't know if she likes me.

First off, she has a boyfriend, but it seems she still flirts A LOT. She calls me her "work boyfriend". We laugh together, kid around a lot and she always wants me to work longer hours so I can talk to her. Also she would call me at my house sometimes and ask if I want to go to a party she is at or if she is board at work or her house and just wanted to talk.

I think she is interested but the only thing is she has a boyfriend and I would look like a total idiot if she didn't like me. I NEED YOUR HELP!!! Is she just playing games with me or can I get closer and when she is single again I can have a chance?

Please reply to me with your advice and help, it will help me out a lot. Thanks.


This sounds like a pretty good deal - for her! She gets to have you hang after work to entertain her, calls you when she's bored, has you pretty much at her beck and call anytime, anywhere. She never has to be bored at all. Oh yeah, and she doesn't have to give you anything at all in return. Sounds like a great deal to me, just not for you!

Every woman has a "boyfriend". These guys are just like you - they aren't the "ideal" guy but they are close enough in order for her to claim that she has a "boyfriend". This is the empty-restaurant theory: if you are hungry and you walk by two restaurants where one is completely empty and the other is packed, which one are you going to eat at? You'll choose the one with customers because it's obviously a better choice, right? Women work the same way - they all have "boyfriends" because they don't want to be seen as "empty". As soon as she finds a better "boyfriend" she'll trade up.

Further, you've said it yourself - she flirts with every other guy there too. This woman is a classic AW ("Attention Whore"). What she's really interested in is your (or for that matter - any guy's) attention! She flatters and teases you, but she knows damn well you're too much of a coward to actually ask her out on a date. Thus, you're "safe". She can use you for your attention until a real guy comes along and sweeps her off her feet. You've even structured your life around her! What's her investment for all of this? For all intents: nothing.

I'm going to tell you what you need to do in order to get through all of this, but frankly, I doubt you'll do it. You're too afraid of "looking like an idiot" (but then, what do you think you look like right now?)

What you need to do is to tell her, "Ok, clear your Saturday night. I'm taking you out." Then, go out on a real date. Don't over-spend on her and don't go nuts on anything elaborate. Just go out and have a nice time. Most important, you've got to kiss her! You're no longer the "friend"; you're now someone she's dating. I suggest you use the "opening kiss" technique from my website. Have fun, turn on the charm and get to know her. Also give her the chance to get to know you.

So, I hear you saying, "But what if she turns me down?" Great! You can stop wasting your time and then go find some woman that is worth your time and effort.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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