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Learn to Kiss, Damn it!

Dear Dr Neder,

I have been reading your article on kissing. (http://www.beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=164)

My question is about kissing someone you've just met. As a woman, I find that most guys love to shove the tongue in immediately rather than starting off a kiss slowly. Is it ok to tell them not to use the tongue or will they take that as an insult to their kissing ability and an indicator that you don't want to kiss them anymore? I find I have to try not to gag when they do this because I don't really like things shoved down my throat. I can't even go to the dentist without gagging! What should I do? I want to enjoy the kiss but all I can think about is how I might gag while I'm being kissed. I really don't like tongue kissing.

Thanks for you help,

Hello!

I'm always amazed at how many people - both men AND women Ė just don't know how to kiss well. This is what I consider a "dating 101" skill but many people skipped class. Of course, this is likely because they've never been with a good kisser before and don't know that there are certain skills and techniques involved.

It's not an insult to tell someone what you don't want if you tell them properly. If you simple recoil and say "Ewww..." that might be taken as an insult. But if you pull back and say, "Wait a minute, try it like this..." and show them you're effectively saying, "This is what I like..." not "This is what you're doing wrong..."

This same skill translates right into the bedroom. If you don't know how to ask for what you want, don't be surprised when you don't get it.

You might also refer this person to my article so that they can learn this important skill for themselves. By helping to teach this person how to kiss properly, you'll be doing a great service to anyone else they kiss later on. It's an important skill that everyone needs to learn - if only they can find a teacher.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.




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