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My Flaky Girl Problem

Hi Dennis,

I got together with this girl almost two months ago. She seemed really shy and nervous, but she was gorgeous. I am really good looking and have a lot going for myself career wise. We seemed to really have a good time. Anyway, we've made plans multiple times; she stood me up once, and cancelled three other times. We talk on the phone maybe once a week for minutes at a time.

I spoke to her last Tuesday and got really annoyed at her, and basically told her she needs to have fun with her life. She stays at home working on her business and school and hasn't been out since. That day I called her three times, and just unloaded the meaning of life speech on her. I was confident and carefree in my approach and even told her, look if you're not interested that's fine. And she came back saying she was. She called me that night and thanked me profusely for my speech telling me I was AMAZING! She said she really wanted to get! to know me, and Friday was worked for her. I called her Friday and no answer, left a message and she stood me up.

I know she is interested; otherwise I would have walked away in a sec. She did say something about having commitment issues. She has been single for 2 years after a 6 year relationship (She's 26 and I am 28). I think she is scared. And when it comes time to meet me she freaks. How do I get through to her? Does your Blitzkrieg theory apply in this case?

Thanks


Hello!

First of all, the "Blitzkrieg" technique (http://beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=289) isn't going to work with this girl until you can actually get to see her and spend some time with her. This is where you're making your mistakes - in setting these dates. Why would you agree to see her on a Friday and then call to confirm? All that does is give her a way out - and! prove that you don't have the game she hopes you do.

I can't give you all the details here as they are many, and I strongly encourage you to read "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" for the whole story, but let me give you some information on setting dates with flakes:

First, when you're on the phone set the date and be absolutely clear and firm about it. No "I'll see you around 8 or so..." or "Let's meet at the mall..." etc. You have to be absolutely specific and clear. "I'll meet you at 8:10pm sharp." Likewise, with a flake, NEVER accept meeting her anywhere except her own front door. It's far too easy to "forget" or to claim that you meant "...the OTHER mall..." etc. She knows exactly where she lives and there's no confusion about it. In addition, this gives you the ability to convert your date into more later (http://beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=285 and http://beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=286).

You also need to be much more specific on your expectations of her. Right now, her actions have no cost! If she's interested in you (which she appears to be - when you stand up to her and stop taking her crap!) she's going to be afraid of losing you through her bad behavior. If you let her slide on this, she'll start to see you and your interest in her as worth exactly what she has to put into it - nothing.

You probably don't even call her on any of this! Instead, you put up with it and make excuses for her ("Well, she's really busy..." or "She's really scared.") That's really screwed up. I don't care how beautiful she is (http://beingaman.com/articleviewer.asp?ID=388), this type of behavior is unacceptable. Your time and interest is worth a tremendous amount, and frankl! y, there are far too many great, beautiful women out there to both with this sort of game.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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