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Should I Call to Confirm a Date?

Hey Dr. Dennis!

I get this a lot - I get a phone number from a girl, call, try and set a date and the chick says something like, "Yeah Thursday sounds good. I may have a girlfriend coming into town so let's play it by ear. Give me a call Thursday."

Basically, it's her way of saying... "Maybe, I'm not sure. I need time to decide. Most likely not."

Of course, the inevitable comes on Thursday. I call and thereís no answer and I leave a message. I get no call back. Toast.

Is there anything to say to a girl when she gives you that line without coming across as too rigid? I feel stupid saying, "Nope, unless you can make definite plans Thursday, sorry." Just seems like you are being too anal about it, which is a turnoff.

What's a good line in that instance?


The problem here is your belief that being too ridged is a bad thing. Go back and re-read about this in BAM2.

This isn't about being "ridged" - it's about being busy. It's about creating a sense of value in your time. If you let a woman control your time, she believes it holds no value. It's really that simple, and it's why you're seeing this problem in the first place.

Further, why would you give her a chance to flake in the first place? You should NEVER call to confirm a date - EVER! If she doesn't know how to work a calendar, how in the hell is she ever going to know how to work a man????

Here's what I do:

If a woman asks me to "confirm" a date, I just say, "No thanks. [Pause to let it sink in] My time is far too limited and far too valuable to leave it to your whim. Either you want to go out or you don't. If you don't, that's fine, but I need to know now." I even act a little indignant with her, as though I'm insulted (I am!)

Then, I let her stammer about her schedule! If she asks me about another time/date, I say, "Ok - only if you're SURE you don't have any girlfriends coming over, or your hair doesn't need washing or your cat 'Fluffy' isn't going to cough up a fur ball the size of Iowa. OK?"

Further, when I set the date I say:

"By the way, are you absolutely sure you're not going to have some 'emergency' come up on that date? If you think you will let me know now because I need at least 24 hour notice on any cancellations." In fact, true emergencies are extremely rare.

My brother, you've got to have respect for your own time and hold it out as the preciously-limited commodity that it is. If you don't do this, women will constantly test you with it to see just who is in control. By the way - it'd better be you.

Consider also that the instant you agree to such a ridiculous idea, you're telling her in very clear and specific female language that you're a pussy and she's going to have to be the man in any relationship she sets up with you. She's going to have to decide everything from when it's time to break up to what restaurant to go to. Women don't want that in their men.

The sooner as you get ridged with your schedule, the sooner you're going to stop this abuse.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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