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The Better Part of Discretion

What's up brother?

I'm a 24 year-old man in the process of reading your 2nd book again. I've come a long way but am trying to get a better grasp on some of the conversation stuff, and trying to program myself act more "manly."

Anyway, there's a girl at work who I just discovered is single and who's since been increasingly flirty with me. Without being to presumptuous, I think I even caught her talking on the phone about me today. We've get along well and she's told me last Saturday that she thinks I'm hot, so naturally my "don't be a dumbass" alarm went off. Though a nice girl, she is definitely a socializer and a big gossip queen which makes me skeptical about her intentions (i.e. possible Attention Whore?). Likewise, this works against my perception of an "ideal woman."

I'm not asking you to analyze her intentions; I know you're no mind reader. However, I am asking you're opinion. How much of a challenge is necessary to remain valuable and not come off as an easy close? My interpretation is that she may be trying to get me to chase her (something I don't want to do and am very afraid of). Nonetheless, I see the situation similar the "when to call a woman after getting her number" dilemma. Ask her out too soon, I'm anxious. But too late, I'm nervous. Is it time to grab the bull by the horns, or should I hold out a bit so she can build me up in her mind? I'm thinking the former, but I want to be confident in my decision. Also, how much concern should I have for her "social butterfly" personality, especially since we work together?

Please help,


If she's overly gossipy at work, this might work against you. One of your first jobs; assuming you take her out, is to have a talk with her about discretion. Explain that you wouldn't be going out with her if you believed she was going to discuss it at work and that you expect her to keep her mouth shut and to be discrete.

You need to get moving on this right away. As soon as a woman shows you interest - especially in a situation where you see her regularly such as work - you need to move on that. If you wait, you look like you're uneasy with it. This is a turn off to women. Remember: women want that feeling of being swept off her feet. By acting quickly, you're telling her that you're no-bullshit and that she's going to have to do something about it or lose out.

When you ask her out (actually, TELL her you two are going out), give her two dates/times when you're available. If she doesn't take one of them, just say, "Ok" and turn and walk away. This is a powerful, dramatic event - especially if she's given to being an Attention Whore. In effect, you give her attention and then you take it right away. This tells her that she has to follow YOUR program in order to get what she wants. Then, avoid her until she DOES start following your program!

The best part of this is that it calls her hand. If she's only interested in your attention, you'll know it right up front! If she's interested in more, she'll be anxious to go out with you. Then, you can handle things accordingly.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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