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The First Contact in an Email Relationship

Dear Dennis,

I'd like to begin by saying how much I have enjoyed reading your comments and responses to the letters. I will buy your book and use it to help my transition back into the dating world after a 14-year break.

My question/situation is this:

I have been apart from my ex-wife for one year now. I have been dating for the last 6 months and enjoying the experience of putting myself back out in this world. Two weeks ago, I met a wonderful woman via email. Our mothers know each other and we both know many of the same people in our hometown. She is recently divorced and for about the same time as me. We have made a very obvious and strong connection through daily email and phone contact. We have decided to meet in about 10 days when I will be flying out for the weekend.

I am really looking forward to meeting her and seeing if our connection works as well in person as it does via email. I believe she could be someone that I would want to spend a lot of time with. She meets my goals for the type of woman I want to be with and believe that we wouldn't be a good fit.

So, how much do I give away at the first meeting?

Should I play this thing cool, or can I be honest with regards to my feelings and let her know what is happening with me? Should I give her a nice kiss (soft, gentle, no tongue) when I meet her at the airport? I believe the feelings are mutual, but I don't want to rush anything and ruin what could be a very good thing.



Obviously, I strongly urge you to read, "Being a Man in a Woman's World".
Not having been in the dating scene for a while, I'll bet you'll find it's a real eye-opener. You're going to get a ton of things that will help you with this new relationship including learning communication skills, (something I'm sure is lacking due to being fresh out of a marriage), building a "relationship plan", dealing with relationship problems and much, much more.

I'm very pleased for you to be moving ahead, but let me offer this: be careful with what you give away up front. Despite the issues of the connection you feel, keep in mind, she's still a woman and has all the hopes and expectations of any woman of any man. She wants you to be a strong, directed male figure even if you've been rather emotional and forthcoming over the phone and via email.

I also strongly urge you to use the "opening kiss" at the airport. There are many reasons why this will work to your advantage. Here's an article that discusses this in much greater depth:


Also, don't see this as "rushing". There is no "rushing" involved here. What you're really doing is staking your territory as the dominant male!

One last thing is appropriate here; if you've been reading my articles you know how I feel about long distance relationships. I hope you have a plan to bring her into town (or to move) if things work out because LDR's are rarely successful!

Enjoy the book!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis Neder

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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