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The Guy That Wants to Get Married

Dear Dr. Dennis:

I'm a 28-year-old guy and I've been working on my career for the past 5 years and have done pretty well for myself. I've decided that the next step in my life is to get married. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should get started?

Thanks!
Hello!

Yes, I do! Here it is: STOP!!!

First of all, I'm not against marriage. I think that when you find the perfect partner for yourself and that you've satisfied a number of other very important life-requirements that getting married is fine. On the other hand, setting that as a goal is a mistake, and is something I see women doing all the time. It becomes not so much about the perfect person as it is the wedding as an event and just "being married".

Like I've said for years, there aren't too many divorces, there are too many marriages!

So, when should you decide that getting married is the next step? After you've satisfied all of the following:

1) You've done everything on your "top 100" list. This is the list you create for yourself of the "top 100 things you've always wanted to do."
2) You're financially and emotionally stable.
3) You've met the woman of your dreams and you're 100% convinced that you'll never meet anyone else you'll feel the same way about.
4) You're ready to commit to making the marriage work regardless of the investment, and,
5) You want to start a family.

Oh, and your partner satisfies these same 5 things too! That's a lot of things to consider, but let me assure you every one of them is critically important.

Marriage rarely makes a relationship better. Many people get married only to learn this lesson too late. Then, they believe that having children will somehow bring them back together. Nope Ė wrong again! These are all things that add stress to the relationship.

The time to consider being married is when you already have the perfect relationship! You've been together for some time (I recommend no less than 2 years) and you've done all the other things in your life-list. Focus on the quality of your relationships Ė not their format. Being married has nothing to do with quality, it's only a relationship "format".

Best regardsÖ

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.




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