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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
The Three Keys to the Cold ApproachDo you find it difficult to approach women you don't know? Most guys do so don't feel alone. I'm going to give you the three keys that'll make the cold approach easy, fun and very, very profitable.
Key #1 – Practice talking to everyone, everywhere
If the only time you try to talk to strangers is when you want their phone numbers, it's going to be very difficult to be calm and confident. In the back of your mind, you're going to be thinking that you want something from them. Thus, you're going to be nervous.
On the other hand, if you get used to talking to people everywhere you go, talking to a woman you'd like to get to know better will seem easy and even common. Just imagine how much confidence that will create in you! You'll instantly know that you can talk to any woman anywhere.
Unless you spend your entire life behind a wall, you have to come in contact with people and every opportunity should be another chance to practice this valuable skill. You can begin by just saying "hello" and making eye contact if you feel uncomfortable with full sentences, but don't stop here.
Learn to think in terms of "context". Specifically, what about the current situation gives you something in common with others around you? It might be some past experience, a humorous idea, an opinion or a situation. In fact, it doesn't even matter! Just say it!
It also doesn't matter if you fall flat on your face! That might seem embarrassing, but let me give you an example. One time I was standing in the isle of a store and there was this cute girl standing about 30 feet down the same isle. I walked up to her and said something (I don't even remember what it was!) and she just looked at me in horror!
After a shocked moment, I looked at her and said, "You know, that sounded much better in my head than it sounded when it left my lips!" She broke out laughing – both to ease the tension, and because it was funny.
Get used to talking to people everywhere, every day, starting today.
Key #2 – Be positive, upbeat and enthusiastic
You can't be upbeat every single day of your life – or can you? Just like practice in talking to people, you can also practice being upbeat and enthusiastic. Listen to music that really gets you moving or think back to a time when you felt totally in control and powerful. Create these feelings in yourself by practicing them everyday. You want to be able to pull from this whenever it works for you.
It's fun to be upbeat and it comes through in everything you do. When you talk to others and are enthusiastic and engaging, they will often respond to you in like kind. Let me give you an example.
I was in a bank one time and finally walked up to the teller after being in line for over 30 minutes. When I walked up, the cute teller behind the window said in her "I've-Already-Said-This-One-Hundred-Times-Today" voice, "How are you today sir?" Her eyes were almost lifeless as the words left her lips.
With a smile on my face and looking her square in the eye, I slapped the counter in front of her and said, "It's the best damn day of my whole life!" Her eyes widened and the color almost instantly returned to her cheeks along with one of the most beautiful smiles I'd seen all day.
"Oh really? Why is that?" she asked. I said, "Just because it's a great day. I even met you today. How great is that?" Her smile grew even bigger and she even seemed to forget why I was there. "Wow, what a great attitude you have!" she said.
We conducted our banking business, but she didn't want to seem to let the moment go. So I said, "Hey, I know – give me your phone number and let's have a drink sometime. Here, write it on my deposit receipt." She did, and I dated her for over 2 years!
Enthusiasm is a powerful tool!
Key #3 – If you do these things, women will often do your work for you!
Dwell on these images of positive enthusiasm, confidence and power – they will quickly become part of you. When you feel this way, you also show it outwardly. This just seems to draw people to you.
Women are especially tuned to this. When you stand out like this you tell everyone around you that you're not afraid or timid or lacking in self worth. After all, if you're willing to prove it by your outward nature, you must have a lot more behind it – right?
So many women are tired of the "just-walks-through-life" kind of men they meet that when they see a guy like you that is actually happy, you just stand out. Like moths to a flame, these women will often seek you out just to find out why you're so upbeat.
Of course, they also know that it's your job to close so you need some skills behind you as well, but don't be surprised if women seem strangely attracted to your new upbeat persona and will want to talk to you.
Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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