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I purchased your Dating Dictionary recently, and it's been very informative in showing me where I've made mistakes with women in the past. As a result, I've had tremendous success with your advice in talking to and getting positive responses out of women. But there is still one problem that seems to come up and I'm powerless to solve it.
The last girl I really liked, Tanya, ended up dumping me out of the clear blue. The last day I was with her, she mentioned that her father "approved" of me, and that he never approved of anyone before. Before this happened she acted differently towards me (i.e., with high Interest Level), but once I got the parental seal of acceptance it was over the very next day. Could it be that her Interest Level was lowered because her parents approved of me? This is not the reason that Tanya gave me for ending it, but I have noticed it in a few relationships in the past.
I've talked to other women about this, and they admit to wanting a good guy that appears to be a "bad boy" to the parents. It seems like they want to go against their parent's wishes. I guess my question to you is, is this just Womanese for their low Interest Level in me, or could it be that women don't want their folks to like their boyfriends?
Now it seems that I get along with women's parents VERY well, and they all like me. (At least to my face they do.) But as soon as the relationship has gone on long enough for me to have met their parents a few times, everything falls apart. Can you give me any advice on how to handle this situation, and how not to have the parents like me so much? Or is this not really a problem after all, and am I just looking for an excuse for why I always seem to screw it up with females I like?
Your book has opened up my eyes, and allowed me to see more of what women want. I can see more clearly that the guys who act in the way that you advise have women around them all the time. I look forward to learning more and coming closer to mastery of "The System." In the meantime, I need help solving my "parents problem." I really hope you can help me out.
Thanks, Doc. You're the best.
Gino - who never thought he'd run into something like this
Allow me to straighten you out about something right up front. Being rejected by Tanya was out of the clear blue FOR YOU. For Tanya, it was preplanned.
So, Tanya's parents never approved of anyone but you before. Now think about this, my friend. Here's a girl giving you the old heave-ho, and in the process serving up a tall tale to throw you off the scent of the real reason –her lack of interest in you -- and you're ready to buy it. Just because two things happen at the same time (i.e., Tanya decides to dump you and her parents announce that they think you're okay) you jump automatically to the conclusion that it's a case of cause and effect, and you don't consider the possibility that it's all pure coincidence and that one thing has nothing to do with the other.
I'm trying to train you guys to be forensic love scientists, to look very closely at the evidence, and that's what you have to do in order to know what's really going on between you and your woman. You have to consider all the possibilities in every case and not run off half-cocked towards a conclusion that doesn't hold water. Like my cousin Doctor Love would say, "You can't just rush to judgment led by your exploding Interest Level or your supersensitive ego."
Now sure, it's possible that Tanya cut you loose because her folks approved of you – that is, if she hates her parents' guts and she's going to end up being the psycho wife from hell who will make Angelina Jolie or J-Lo look clinically sane. In which case you don't want her anyway.
Tanya didn't give you a reason for ending your romance? You're kidding me, Gino! You mean women aren't always forthcoming with the straight truth about why they're calling it quits? You mean that actually happens? Wow, man, I'm shocked!
But if other women in the past have told you that they prefer bad boys and don't want their parents to approve of their choices, you're running around with a bunch of nutcases. Dude, are you picking up girls when the Jerry Springer Show lets out? Or are you handing out tickets to the wackos going in?
To you Psych majors, good girls who are raised properly by good parents WANT to make sure their parents LOVE the new boyfriend. Honest.
Pal, of course all these excuses are just Womanese for your ex-girlfriends' low Interest Level in you! Because you're history, aren't you? Think about what you're saying here. Girls don't want their parents to like their boyfriends? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "You're attacking the family unit, my son, and you shouldn't do that."
I'm sure parents like you, Gino. And their daughters like you, too -- for a little while. But take my word for it, it's strictly coincidence that when you meet the folks everything falls apart. The only thing really falling apart was the girls' Interest Level, as it did a nosedive from 95% to 45%. So these poor parents aren't your problem. The problem is YOU – you lower Interest Level. Her mother and father didn't lower Interest Level, you did.
My book hasn't opened your eyes all the way yet, Gino. Unfortunately, it's opened only half of one eye. Which means you haven't spent enough time with it. You need to read it again and again until the deeper truths of my principals sink into your mind.
Why don't you act like the guys who have women around them all the time? I'll tell you why. Because instead of imitating Cary Grant, you end up making these poor girls your mama or your psychiatrist, like all the other guys who screw up. But don't feel bad, man. You're not alone. You've got tons of company out there.
So to sum it all up, you don't have a "parents problem." You've got a problem keeping a girl's Interest Level in the nineties. But memorize my techniques, and you'll enter the Promised Land with a smiling face.
Remember, guys: when something goes wrong, it's usually your fault.
To send me your love questions, listen to my INTERNET TALK RADIO SHOW, or to find out more about "The System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
DOC LOVE IS THE FIRST MAN IN 6000 YEARS TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN
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