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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
Does Jamie Foxx Ever Let Them Pay For Dinner?
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I bought your book, have diligently read your columns and have completely digested your philosophy. While "The System" does expose many truths about relationships, I have several questions.
First, the one-week waiting policy. I tried that method, as well as my own "call-the-girl-whenever-I-feel-like-it" method and I have found no difference between the two. Recently I called a girl I'd just met and successfully set up a date with her for later that night. We got very romantic and I'm still seeing her. I understand how waiting a week can be "playing hard to get," but it's my philosophy not to stoop to their level. I try to be upfront about what I want without resorting to playing games and thus far have had no problems.
Second, I have to criticize your aversion to anything sexual. How can you give relationship advice while skirting the issue of sexuality? Sexuality is a very large part of the reason why I want a relationship and I don't believe I'm alone on that point.
My final complaint is on the topic of paying for women's meals and dates. This, to me, is the absolute worst thing a man can do! I don't pay for a woman…EVER. I value my time spent with her, and if she doesn't feel the same way, then she can go home. I should never have to pay to take a woman out. This is the age of equality, and there are no excuses for a man paying for anything. If a man pays for a woman's time, it is begging. I believe that a woman should be interested in me and not a free dinner. I feel very strongly about this point, and I have never had a problem after explaining to a woman how I feel. Believe it or not, most women are actually impressed or turned on by my attitude.
I do not expect you to publish this letter, as it would be disastrous to your marketing/advertising efforts, but I would appreciate a reply. I used to recommend your philosophy to other frustrated guys, but I don't anymore. If you can explain to me why I'm wrong, I assure you I will resume doing it.
Noah - who is beginning to see it differently
You say you've completely digested my philosophy. But let me ask you a question: are you sure you've completely memorized my book? Because I if you had, you wouldn't have all these questions! Once you've committed "The System" to memory, you've got all the answers you'll ever need when it comes to women. And they're the right answers.
Now, pal, I've interviewed thousands of women over the years, and when I tell them the guy should wait a week to call, why is it 90% of them go ballistic? Because being faced with Challenge for a change makes them sit up and take notice. Challenge gets under their skin. Most guys – like you -- can't control themselves and are all over a babe if she gives them the time of day.
And here's something else. Don't you see that you're kowtowing to a girl by coming on heavy and jumping right on the phone to her 10 minutes after you meet? Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "You got it backwards, cowboy!"
Hey, don't get me wrong, Noah. I'm really happy you're not having any problems with any of the babes you're dating. But I'm really curious to know what kind of women they are. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Hey, man, are you cruising websites for females in the federal prison system?"
Let's move on to the topic of sexuality. Dude, I want to ask you another question. Does a married man whose wife's Interest Level is 100% ever have to talk about or angst over the subject of sex? Does this guy ever have any problems in that area? Is sex an issue ever for him in his relationship? The answer is NO. Again, you've got the cart before the horse. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "Worry about whether she digs you, man. The other stuff will take care of itself."
But something else is involved here. The Reality Factor says that women have sex with you when their Interest Level is 51% to 100%, but what most men don't understand is that some women have sex with you when their Interest Level is only 40% to 49%. And that's where the problems come in.
It's a half-truth that paying for a woman's dinner is the worst thing a man can do. If you do four to six dates with her and she doesn't want to spring for dessert, then you can be sure you don't have a Giver on your hands. So in that sense, I see your point. But not paying for a woman ever? You're going out with women and you're never going to pop for even a lousy cup of coffee? You're seeing lots of women, right, Noah? Well, the ones you're going out with must weigh at least 350 to 400 pounds, or you're the spitting image of Brad Pitt. To you Psych majors, "This guy must be the drummer in the band!"
Saying that a woman can go home if she isn't completely knocked out by merely basking in your presence is another half-truth. Because you have to be doing something on these dates besides walking around the block. If you go bowling, you have to rent the shoes, right? If you go to the zoo, you have pay admission to get in, don't you?
Paying for a woman greases the relationship. In the mating dance, the male, at the beginning, goes for the bill. That's the way it is. So you're way off base here. I can't imagine what the women you're dating have going on between their ears. Maybe nothing?
Let's face it -- not ever having to pay to take a woman out would be the ideal. But the Reality Factor says that the man opens his wallet. What's more, buddy, it's not begging to treat a woman. IT'S SHOWING MANNERS AND CLASS. I mean, can you imagine Cary Grant ever sticking her with the bill? Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "Are you sure they're not calling you tightwad behind your back?"
That said, it's true that a lot of women are only interested in free meals. They're called Gold-Diggers and Professional Daters. But if my techniques were completely burned into your brain cells, you'd be able to tell the difference between a girl you could buy dinner for and one you couldn't.
So let me get this straight. You're actually telling me you say "What's your home phone number? And by the way, when we go out I don't pay for anything -- but I'm dying to see you!" Is that really your approach? Smooth, my friend, smooth. No wonder you're so popular! Can I ask you a question? Just how many tattoos do these girls have on their arms?
Noah, don't you worry about my marketing/advertising efforts. I just sold four more books because of you.
Now you said something very interesting at the end of your letter – you referred to "other frustrated guys." Which means that you're frustrated, right? You just got through telling me that you get away with murder with all these honeys, which means that their Interest Level has to be 100%. So how is it you're frustrated? As Doctor Freud once said, "Something's not making sense here! You've even got me confused!"
Remember, guys: you can lead an ass to water, but you can't make him drink.
DOC LOVE IS THE FIRST MAN IN 6000 YEARS TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN
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