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Does Steve Martin Use A Form Letter When Online Dating?

Doc Love
New Article Every Thursday

Hey Doc,

Thanks for your years of great service to men. I am an adherent of your principles, which you so humorously and effectively explain in your weekly column. Now I've become addicted to your radio show, too. What are the chances that you'll become syndicated? Let me tell you, I think that we can all do with a dose of your advice!

I've been thinking about starting to use Match.com to meet women. It seems that these days the bar and club scene is dead, and instead everybody is online getting dates. I don't know if it's an effective way of meeting people, but it seems to be worth the shot since that's where the game is, right?

So here's my question: do you have any suggestions for what to say when contacting a woman on Match.com? In fact, can you give us guys a blueprint for how to do it? In other words, what do you say in your intro, the next paragraph and the next paragraph, how do you wrap it up, etc. I'm okay when I meet a woman face to face, but frankly, I'm not exactly sure how to deal with her when you can't see her. It seems to put a guy at a disadvantage.

Here's something else: the women's screen names are usually not their real names. Is it a good idea to go after their real names right off or let that come later when a beachhead has been established?

Also, are there any signs to look for when exchanging e-mails with Match.com women? Now that I think of it, the question I guess I'm really asking is how can you gauge a woman's Interest Level across the computer? Don't you really have to be in a female's presence to accurately assess it?

I'm asking you this now before I actually take the plunge. Like you always say, it's better to be completely prepared before going out on the battlefield.

Thanks, Doc. Looking forward to your response.

Jared - who feels awkward at the computer terminal

Hi Jared,

I really appreciate what you said about me, and thank you for being so supportive. But I want you to do me an enormous favor. It's extremely important that you set my book by your bed and read it every night. And remember to do it for the rest of your life, even after 35 years of marriage. It's the most airtight safeguard you can give yourself when it comes to dealing with women, and its principles are eternal.

But let's get back to meeting her.

Here's the truth about the bar and club scene: it's not the greatest place to meet women. It's too dark, there's too much smoke, too much booze flowing, and that's when people have a tendency to tell lies. If you go out to a club, you want to be there with your buddies, having fun talking about the old days, boxing, business, and, of course, women. But if you happen to see somebody you dig in a bar or club, you have to ask her to dance. But don't go there hoping to pick up Miss Right. The odds aren't good.

Jared, online IS where the dating game is these days, make no mistake about it, and in front of the terminal screen is where you have to be. Even my Uncle Jethro Love says "Boy, you's dead in the water with the girls without your Macintosh!" But before you log on, you have to be prepared and you have to have a very strict game plan.

And the aim of plan is to get the girl through the door of Starbucks. There you are at home, pal, with just your laptop and no girlfriend, and your goal is to eventually say: "Caprice, very nice to meet you! Have a seat."

When she arrives, you buy her a mocha valencia and you talk for 45 minutes. Afterwards you walk her out to her car and she says, "Wow, Jared, I had a nice time! Please give me a call and we'll get together again." Then she hugs you, gets into her car and drives away. Guys, if we're going to sell ourselves, we have to get the buyer in front of us for 45 minutes at Starbucks.

So here's what you say when you're at the keyboard. Since the ladies always ask what you're looking for, you're going to tell them, "I'm looking for a Self-Reliant, Flexible Giver who will laugh at my corny jokes. Let's meet at Starbucks and see if I can make you giggle." There's your icebreaker.

You want a blueprint? A piece of cake. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "The point is to make 'em laugh and tell 'em nothin'." If you get a positive response on Match.com – a wink – toss into your e-mail that you're a busy guy and that you have tons of fun on the weekends. In your second paragraph, keep on keeping it light. Does she like to dance? Does she like to travel to Vegas or New York? What babe doesn't like to dance or go places? Then ask her about Match.com to remind her that you don't want to just be her e-mail "buddy."

Jared, you're afraid of the wrong things. The fact is that it's a lot easier to deal with a woman when you can't see her. You're most definitely not at a disadvantage, because on the Internet you can check out up to 200 pictures within a half-hour. Then you pare it down to 45 or so, and out of that 45 you give the best ones a wink. You're going to dance back and forth with a few e-mails, then you go for the home phone number.

And she's going to say (hopefully) "Here it is," or "I'll give it to you when we meet." Then you have to get her to show up for her coffee. Make sure you give her the Starbucks telephone number and detailed directions and that the place has plenty of parking because a lot of these girls won't show if they have the slightest excuse.

As far as her onscreen name goes, if she wants to call herself "Anita The Hun," that's her right. You'll get her real name if she's really interested.

So to sum it up, break the ice, exchange your e-mails, then ask for the home phone number and a 45-minute date at Starbucks. Of course you can't completely gauge a woman's Interest Level across the computer, but to you Psych majors, the more detailed her responses are to your e-mails, the easier she makes it for you to contact her in person, and the more questions she asks you, you can bet her Interest Level is clinically alive.

Remember, some women will meet a guy for coffee. When she walks in the door, you'll witness her female presence in the flesh. Then you'll sit down with her for a chat, and it'll be easy to assess whether she likes you or thinks you're the worst thing since Osama Bin Laden.

When it comes to being completely prepared before going onto the battlefield, like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "Amen, Bro!"

Remember, guys: if you don't go packing, you can't go off to war.


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