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How Did Joe Piscopo Maneuver Around His Wife’s Parents?
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I've been reading you for quite a while now (two to three years), but only lately started to realize that "The System" contains no false or optional statements. It really has helped me not only understand relationships, but also develop a backbone for business.
On with my situation. I met Allegra over the internet. It was a quick chat (no photos), she left me her number, and I called after seven days and asked for a date. She accepted, and the first date went really well. I stood by your principles, looked her in the eyes at all times (the fact that she's Beautiful helped) and guided her into talking about herself. I watched her Interest Level slowly rise. She started touching me, looked back into my eyes and asked me questions. I walked her home and didn't kiss her.
After five days, I called and ask her for another date, during the week, of course. She accepted, but showed up with a girlfriend. After 10 minutes, a boyfriend joined the "date." After another 10 minutes I excused myself and left. The strange thing was that while I was there, Allegra gave me a lot of signals, including mentioning to her girlfriend that she's single and wants to change that.
Two days later I got a phone message from Allegra in which she said she felt sorry that the date didn't go as planned. After three days I called and asked for a date, not mentioning what happened. She refused the suggested date but quickly counter-offered with a date for a stage play.
Halfway through the date I leaned over and kissed her. She kissed me back. I gauged her Interest Level to be over 80%, just how you taught me to. So I feel that I righted the ship after that disastrous second date.
The problem, Doc, is that her parents have some strict rules. She's 19 and a student. I'm 22, also a student and working. She has to be home before seven o'clock and I barely get out of work by nine o'clock. This makes dating during weekdays impossible. I actually had to skip a conference call to meet her today, but she doesn't know this.
Doc, Allegra has Integrity (she never seems to have lied to me), Flexibility (we get along fine and she has a nice Attitude), and Giving. For instance, she smokes and I don't. She asked me if kissing a girl who just smoked is unpleasant for me. I said yes and she immediately put the cigarette back in the pack.
This girl really has potential, but I'm just not able to cope with the weekdays-only dating rule. Perhaps meeting her parents would help. Any advice, Doc?
Ira - who feels hampered by the techniques that helped him
For eight years I taught seminars in Los Angeles. Lots of guys who own their own businesses have called me back over the years to tell me how well the principles of "The System" carry over into their business and professional lives. But I don't think it's just a matter of "carrying over." I believe that a universal truth is involved in my techniques, and that's why they work.
Now let me just get this straight. You and Allegra didn't even see photos of each other and you got together for a date? She didn't even know what you looked like and here she was giving you her number? Wasn't that all a little too fast? Wasn't that a little dangerous, with all the wackos running around out there? Didn't Allegra ever hear of Ted Bundy?
That aside, I have to say that you acted perfectly on your first date. So far you get an A. And if Allegra's as much of a knockout as you say she is, it doesn't surprise me in the least that she warmed to the task of talking about herself. When it comes to the Beautiful Woman, it's always all about her, isn't it? And that's your problem in a nutshell, but we'll get into that in a second.
Then she showed up on your second date with a girlfriend. Uh-oh. Huge problem. Massive problem. The first thing that occurs to me is that this girl's a control freak. But hey, maybe she just wanted to have her girlfriend along for the ride. So what the heck – you don't mind, right, Ira? Allegra's 19, she's got long, gorgeous legs like Elle MacPherson, bee-stung lips like Angelina Jolie, and a butt like J-Lo and she doesn't need makeup. In other words, she's a total fox. So what's the problem with bringing her friend along? Why doesn't she have a perfect right to change the rules of the date? Why not throw you a wicked curveball? You'll be back, right, Ira? Every other guy has been, ever since she was 12.
But, you protest, she sent you some vague "signals" on that wonderful date. Let me ask you something: why are you and most of the other men out there just dying to kiss and make up with these hotties -- and after she slights you, puts you down, changes the rules of the date? Like Doctor Freud once said, "When it comes to Beauty, oh, how men love to be tortured!"
To you Psych majors, when she acts like this, it's a MAJOR red flag – not a tiny red flag. This girl was inconsiderate. She has no manners. She has no breeding. But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "Other than that, she's great!"
Ira, you can't really mean you actually called this little hussy three days after she dissed you. With the way she insulted you, it should have been two weeks -- if ever! (But you're not strong enough for that.) And when you talked to her, you should have mentioned what happened on your second date. Know what you should have asked Allegra? "By the way, how many more people are going to show up on our next date? Are you bringing your grandma along too this time?"
But apparently that wasn't enough wimping around for you. You leaned over and kissed her in the middle of the show. Mistake! This girl's on serious probation and here you're fawning and slobbering over her in a theater?
But her Interest Level – according to you -- is over 80%. Sure it is, pal. So why is she hauling all of her friends along on your dates? You guys kill me. To you Psych majors (again), when a girl pulls a stunt like that, her Interest Level is more like 51%. Are you sure you read my book?
Why are you talking about setting things right with Allegra? Your second date was a disaster because SHE threw YOU a slider. You didn't do anything wrong – she did!
Guy, Allegra's parents have nothing to do with any of this. They're eighteenth on the list of what's wrong. You're giving Allegra a pass on the first 17. She's your problem, Ira, not ma and pa.
Here's what you do. If you insistent on letting Allegra toy with your head, take her out in the afternoon on your days off. Ask her out for noon and have her home by 5:30. Better yet, try the morning. If you do that, maybe all her friends will be in class and won't be able to join you.
How can you say Allegra has even an ounce of Integrity? She broke the rules of the dating contract! When a girl accepts a date with a guy, unless she clears it with him first, she doesn't bring anybody else along. It's a hard and fast rule. Flexible? Hell, no. She's as structured as a brick wall. Giving? I don't think so. She's so selfish, she brings all her buddies on your dates. She's a real Giver, all right. Maybe by "giving," you mean she's giving you a hard time.
Oh, but then there's her incredible consideration in not lighting up once when you were with her. But she didn't give smoking up, did she? Sure she's got potential – she's got the potential for developing lung cancer when she's 59 from smoking two packs a day for 40 years. What does this girl have to do, Ira, burn your house down before you get the drift?
It never ceases to amaze me how you guys will rationalize for a hot babe. When you like a woman, especially when she's 19 and a looker, it's incredible what you'll overlook, what she can get away with. It stupefies me. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "It ain't no wonder you got troubles with women."
Finally, what have I told you guys again and again about dating 18 to 22-year-olds? Look at the stuff this one's pulling. At that age they're ditzy. They fall in and out of love every five minutes.
Remember, guys: if you employ my techniques correctly, you'll never feel hampered.
DOC LOVE IS THE FIRST MAN IN 6000 YEARS TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN
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