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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
Calibrate Your Value to Get Any GirlHello again, Friend.
Today I sat down in front of the computer to write this newsletter with the intention of working through some really advanced thoughts I've been struggling with lately. But, I dunno, they're just not fully formed yet.
Far be it from me to put out some quasimodo half-cocked gibberish, so I just said, "screw it, I'm gonna answer some questions this time around."
So here we go, let's see what we got:
*** QUESTION ***
Most of the material I read seems to concentrate on extreme techniques for getting with "10s" and such. They either have high self esteem or project it. Either way, they're used to being hit on a dozen times a day.
While that's awesome, I'm still interested in gaming girls who may not be 7+ on the rating scale and not high self esteem, not as quick on the social scene. Many of these are science majors who don't get out much or girls who used to be ugly as kids, so didn't get a chance to develoop their social skills and defenses, like the 10s have.
They're still women and game is still required for picking them up, though. Especially in non-club settings, I don't want to come on so intense, they don't know what to do. I also know that more experienced girls have more of an idealistic image of guys and relationships, so I'd like to take that into consideration, without playing into a supplication role of course.
Thanks for your help,
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Dude, I took one look at this question and had to laugh. Out of the entire RSD crew, I'm probably the one best-suited to field this particular query.
You see, I am notorious among the guys for "hooking up with fat chicks".
What can I say, I'm a sucker for the pretty eyes.
Whenever someone wants to bust my balls, they invariably fall back on this; my predilection for the, shall we say, *voluptuous* girls.
Like, one of these chicks will be walking by and they'll sing out, "I wish I had JEFFY'S GIIIIRRRL!!!" to the tune of Rick Springfield's song, "Jesse's Girl".
Get the picture?
Now, don't get me wrong here, I've hooked up with models and strippers before, women that were incredibly fit, etc. In fact, most of the time, these types of girls are my targets, I get with them on a regular basis. After all, as you mentioned, Anthony, the RSD game was originally *built* for the high-calibre, seemingly unattainable women. It's not a question of ability.
It's just that, once in a while... ONCE IN A WHILE... I get a taste for some of that Rubenesque action. About once a fiscal quarter, in fact. You can almost set your watch to it.
What's the point of all this? Simple.
I know my buddies are gonna give me grief about it. I just DON'T CARE.
That's right. I simply do not care.
By being concerned about what others think of you, you create a gap between the true "you" that lies at the core of your being and the persona that you are projecting to the world.
For better or worse (usually worse), this affects how you come across. Things seem unnatural, forced, awkward. There's a slight off-timing in the delivery, something strange that the other person can't put their finger on, but they know it's there.
For a person who is congruent, this is not the case. They are magnetic, charismatic, etc. People are sucked into their reality, not the other way around.
So many people run around trying to attain things that they are TOLD they SHOULD want (by society, their peers, etc.), and they end up completely neglecting the things THEY want.
If you want to get with a certain type of girl, whether she's old enough to be your grandma, has a mohawk, purple and green spots all over her, whatever. Go for it, regardless of what others think.
Having said that, let me get to your question.
You are correct in your assertion that many of the tactics and techniques espoused by RSD are tailored to women of high self-esteem with high social value. That's not ENTIRELY the case, however.
Even a "10" as you call it can have insecurity issues, and as such, this is something that needs to be taken into consideration every time you approach a woman.
That's why we teach CALIBRATION as one of the fundamental pillars of pickup.
During the course of a given interaction, you should be constantly monitoring your relative value with regard to the target and adjusting your tone accordingly to elicit the "autopilot response" you want.
What do I mean by this?
Think of your tone as a continuum. At one end, you have what we call "trying for rapport" (TR). On the other end, you have "breaking rapport" (BR). And somewhere in the middle there's "neutral rapport" (NR).
People will generally respond to these three different types of communication in very predictable ways: they tend to chase BR, blow off TR, and sit there indifferent to NR.
This is why we do things like teasing the girls and doing "takeaways" where we walk off on a high note. These are "BR" behaviors that raise our value in the eyes of the girls we are approaching. It takes us from "just the next loser to hit on me" and puts us on equal footing. From there, it's game on.
Now, with these lower self-esteem women, your perceived value is *already* equal to or higher than hers before you even approach. If you go in with these BR tactics, you're liable to crash and burn before you've even begun.
I'll tell you a little story.
The other night, I'm at my favorite karaoke bar. I'm on stage singing Air Supply, and I hit the 18-second note sustain at the end of "All Out of Love" perfectly, I knock it out of the park.
So I get off stage. My friend Chuck indicates a few girls standing off to the side. "Dude," he says, "these chicks LOVE you."
I look at them. They look okay, what you might call 7s. Whatever, I think, there's nothing better here tonight, I got nothing better to do, what the hey.
So I start to approach them. One of the girls sees this and runs up to ME. I high-five her, and hold onto her hand. She doesn't pull it away. I then give her hand a squeeze, and she squeezes back. This is what we call "kino-pinging", and it's a test to see how well things are going in a pickup. If they reciprocate, you know it's ON.
So there I am, still holding hands with this girl, she's got a broad smile on her face, and I haven't even said anything yet.
Is it on? Yeah, it's on.
So the first thing I say is a neutral opinion opener, then I tease her slightly on her response. She drops my hand.
I start to run game, using my usual tactics. After a couple minutes of this, she's not smiling anymore. I'm wondering what the heck is going on... I'm executing picture-perfect game here.
Finally, I ask her, "So, what are you guys doing here?"
She blows up.
"WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT? THAT'S A *RUDE* QUESTION! OH MY GOD WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?!!"
I'm standing there in shock as the chick runs back to her friends and starts gesticulating freakishly, pointing in my direction. The karaoke host calls her up to sing. She says, "NO!! NO! Not with THIS!!", pointing at me.
I try to explain. "I didn't mean anything, I just was wondering what brought you to.."
"NO!!" she yells, "NO!! NO!" and she storms out of the bar. Her friends look embarrassed and duly follow her out.
Now, let's examine what happened here.
She obviously misinterpreted my comment. My tone was not rude, I was simply wondering how they came to be at the karaoke bar that particular night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "excuse me miss, if I might ask you perchance, what brings you and your esteemed friends to this lovely establishment this particular evening, if I may be so bold as to inquire, please thank you?" and 10 being "psssh... what the hell are YOU doing here? (look of disdain)", my tone was like a 7, TOPS.
Slightly cocky maybe. Nothing to warrant that response, certainly.
It didn't matter. I was poorly calibrated.
The girl was low self-esteem to begin with. Add that to the fact that I had just displayed MASSIVE value by my superb karaoke performance, with the crowd cheering and applauding on their feet, and my *perceived* value to this girl shoots through the roof.
Now, I come in with this smug, arrogant attitude, busting her chops?
Not gonna work. By gaming her in the same way I would game a 9, I ended up vaporizing what little there was of her ego, and blowing myself out.
I went home alone, pissed off at myself. If I had just calibrated properly and toned it down from a 7 to a 4, I would have gotten laid.
So, in summary, when you encounter these types of girls, the best way to proceed is to first calibrate what your value is relative to hers, then make adjustments to bring yourself down to her level.
Otherwise, the chick is sitting there thinking, "This guy's a player. It's obvious. If I sleep with this guy, he'll never call me again. Why is he even talking to ME in the first place?"
The game you spit is the same, the difference lies in the TONE you employ. You can say the same thing in all three tonalities: BR, NR, and TR.
With the lower-value girls, I tend to stick with TR. This means (limited) compliments, asking her a lot of questions even before the rapport stage, and lowering my own value by talking about my insecurities. Note here that I don't talk about lame-ass insecurites like, "I wet my bed." Instead, I might say something like, "I'm afraid I won't reach my potential."
In a lot of respects, gaming these girls takes a lot MORE effort than gaming a "9". When you approach a 9, that qualification switch is already pre-flipped, eliminating the need for all this aforementioned nonsense. Why deal with it at all, unless it's the only thing in the bar?
Consider this: are you going for these "lesser-quality" chicks because you actually prefer them? Or is it a defense mechanism to rationalize feelings of fear or undeservedness when it comes to approaching the prettier girls?
Don't get me wrong: I'm not trying to be confrontational or offensive. It's just that I used to have the same problem.
I live in San Francisco. Back when I was starting out in the game and wasn't having much success, I used to say, "There are no pretty chicks in San Francisco. It's not like L.A."
The funny thing is, once I had gotten with a few elite-quality girls, I started to notice them EVERYWHERE. The whole time, I was fooling myself in order to justify my fears.
Maybe I'm off-base here. But think about it.
Anyway, hope that helps.
*** SUCCESS STORY ***
I was at the seminar/in-field in SF in Dec. I was the dork who had a girlfriend and was kinda anxious about going to a thing to learn to pick up chicks when i had just scored a pretty one (i used weak online means.. never again..).
The true value of this workshop is seeing it done live. After seeing it done live a few times I truly realized - Hey I could do this. I just have to do what they do and believe it. Then I did it in the field with instant feedback from the coaches. I had listened to a bunch of tapes so I felt like I had a base level of understanding.
This workshop went WAY beyond that into exact step by step specifics for every phase of a pick up. All you have to do is use the specific body language, vocal tone and attitude taught and corrected in the course. I'm in my mid thirties, going bald and have glasses yet the second night of the workshop I had an 8.5 hitting on me after using some of the methods and material I had just learned. And every shmoe in the bar was trying to mack this chick.
This was all the proof I needed. Thanks RSD. You guys pimped my social life!
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
That was a great workshop, I remember we all had a lot of fun.
What you say about having "listened to a bunch of tapes" rings really true with me. It's like, you can read lots and lots of material on how to ride a motorcycle, but the fact of the matter is, you simply aren't going to pick up the skill set until you strap on a helmet and fire up the bike. That's what we do at the RSD Personalized Workshops.
A lot of times, people think that the workshop is some magical mystical ritual where we sprinkle goat blood on you, then say the magic words and POOF! You're a player.
In reality, it's much simpler. It's no different than taking a hands-on course on how to ride a motorcyle, albeit a very high-powered Italian superbike. :)
The instructors tell you what to do, demonstrate it live, then let you go at it, staying by your side the whole time to help you out and correct your errors.
No amount of reading or listening to audio programs can effect this much change in this short a time.
To learn more about Real Social Dynamics Personalized Workshops, visit our site:
*** QUESTION ***
You got some very interesting articles, good to read in free time.
Jeffy my major problem is that I am suffering from small penis. Could you please advise me on this issue, what I would need to get it big? I know there are tablets & other means available but that stuff is not permitted in Fiji.
Is there any other way?
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Are you sure it's really that small? Maybe you've been watching too much porn.
Listen, I'm not a medical doctor, nor am I very knowledgeable about the various ways to increase the size of one's member, so I'm not going to give you any advice about that.
In fact, I don't think your problem is with the size. Your problem is that you *perceive* the size to be a problem.
In all honesty, I think people need to learn to be happy with the things they have, rather than pine and wail over the things they *don't* have and can't do anything about.
I know a guy in a wheelchair and a deaf guy who both pick up girls.
When it comes right down to it, the only thing that matters is your game, and all game comes from within.
Then again, I'm slightly above average, so what do I know?
Maybe you should go see a doctor.
Oh yeah, that reminds me... I haven't taken the time to mention Real Social Dynamics Personalized Bootcamps yet. At RSD, we like to think of ourselves as "doctors of game". We see a guy on life support, go in and operate, then put him in rehabilitation until he's ready to play at the top levels.
Think of it like this: if you had a brain tumor, you wouldn't go into your garage, get out some power tools and start drilling away at your skull, would you? I hope not.
So then why would you try to operate on your own game? It's true, it is possible to develop your game to the kind of levels we're talking about here on your own, but typically this takes YEARS of trial and error.
That's YEARS of brutal crash and burns. Years of rejections.
That's totally unnecessary. The RSD Executive Coaches endured that so you don't have to. We have literally DECADES of experience under our collective belt; experience that we will impart to YOU.
During your Personalized Bootcamp, you'll live, eat and breathe game the entire weekend. You'll live with the instructors and receive intense ONE-ON-ONE training designed to kick you in the ass and get you well on the way to the lifestyle you know you deserve.
Learn more about RSD Individual Bootcamps by visiting our site:
I'd like to take the time to thank you once again for reading our newsletter. I don't know where I'd be without you guys... oh wait, I do know, I'd be out getting laid. But I love you anyway.
Peace out till next time.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
PS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at email@example.com and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
Copyright 2004/2005 Real Social Dynamics Inc., All Rights Reserved. Real Social Dynamics is a trademark of Real Social Dynamics Inc. You agree to all of the following by accepting and reading this: You understand this to be an expression of opinions and not professional advice. It is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold Real Social Dynamics Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please go to the link at the end of this e-letter to stop receiving it or send mail to "RSD" 8491 West Sunset Boulevard, #452, West Hollywood, CA 90069.
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