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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
How to "Hook" Girls and Draw Them Into Your RealityHello, Friend.
I've been having sort of a rough day, so you'll forgive me if I indulge in a little self-adulation this time around. My cats got fleas and now they're pissed at me because I put the flea medicine on them. I also cut one of my girls loose this afternoon because she wasn't living up to my standards.
Yeah, even the 'great' jlaix has problems with women from time to time. The difference, however, is that I won't tolerate it when women behave in a manner that's unhealthy for me to be around. The old me would put up with a lot of crap from girls, because I was so scared to let go, to be alone.
Now that I've learned these skills, making the right decision in a relationship has become a great deal easier, because I'm not coming from a scarcity frame anymore. Do I feel a twinge of sadness when I break off a relationship? Sure, that's normal. But I realize that it's only temporary, and I'll be able to find another quality girl in a short time.
The skill set liberates you.
So anyway, I'm gonna do a question and answer bit today. Let's start off with a letter from Mike, who appears to be a Marine or something...
*** QUESTION ***
I just wanted to say your posts are fcuken killer dude, laff my ass off funny. I think your frame for going out and doing pick up is awesome, it reads like you go out and have a lot of fun (and break a bunch of stuff) and pickup is *supposed* to be fun hoo-ah.
I'm at the level where I can consistently approach (remember when that was a big deal) and consistently get convos to open (by ploughing in a stack of 4-6 openers until the chicks crack).
What I can't do yet is generate attraction. I often just wind up in a going-nowhere conversation.
I'm in field so it's only a matter of time before I pick this up, but if y'all want a professional (ie commercial) angle to get my attention , if RSD can help me there I'll be all ears.
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
See? That's what I'm talking about. That really makes my day. Thanks.
For those who don't know what Mike's talking about, allow me to explain. Before I started doing these newsletters, I traveled the world with Real Social Dynamics, picking up beautiful women around the globe. In that time, I wrote thousands of articles detailing my experiences, which I then posted on the internet.
A lot of times, I meet guys and they tell me, "Man, I love reading your reports!"
I typically respond, "Thanks, I love LIVING them."
The implication being, dude, you can do exactly the same thing, just get off the computer and get out in the field!!
By the way, I'm trying not to break stuff as much these days... except hearts (yuk yuk yuk). Some things never change.
So, on to your question.
You're at the point where you're able to open consistently, but still unable to generate attraction. This is a very common problem, and in many ways a necessary step along the pathway to success.
What I'm gonna do here is list a few of the most frequent causes for this problem, since I can't be there to actually observe your game and diagnose what's specifically wrong. Take a look and see if you can learn anything from this.
First of all, are you hooking the set properly after you open them? Often times, sets will open and the girls will talk to you, but they're just being polite.
You want to hook them. Hooking them means getting them from "Why is this guy talking to me" to "I hope this guy doesn't STOP talking to me."
You have approximately 2 minutes to hook the set after you open. If you haven't hooked them by that point, you're most likely done.
What does this mean? Well, when I run a set, I will roll in, run my opener, them BAM!! I hit them with one of my strongest routines that I know will get them giggling and squealing. After this, I immediately initiate kino, then roll into my standard game. They are hooked.
If you're not doing this IMMEDIATELY, well, it's no surprise that your sets aren't going anywhere.
Having said that, let's go through some other common mistakes that lead to these "nowhere sets" as I call them.
1. Standing too far away. A big reason why sets never go anywhere is that the guys never CUT IN. Much like a Junior High school dance, the guy keeps a strict 3-foot distance from the girl.
If you watch me in set, I get right up in the chick's face as soon as I've got her hooked. I move in and out as dictated by the rhythms of the interaction, but the point is, I'm up in there ASAP. It makes it understood that there is a sexual undertone.
2. Too much disinterest. A lot of guys hear all this "be the prize" stuff, and they misinterpret it to mean they should show no interest in the chick whatsoever. I've even seen guys talking to the girls with their necks literally craned all the way around with their backs to them.
Understand the difference between being NEEDY and showing TENTATIVE interest.
3. Move the set forward. So many guys will simply NOT MOVE THE SET FORWARD. Remember that pick-up is a PROCESS with STEPS. You have to be continuously aware of where you are in the interaction, where you want to go, and take the steps to get there.
Many guys I see will approach the girls, open them, then continue to discuss the OPENER for 15 minutes, then eject and scratch their heads because it didn't go anywhere.
Example: guy rolls up and asks, "Who lies more, men or women?" The girls answer, and then keeps talking about it. He's clinging to this topic for dear life. He hammers away at it until all possible threads relating to it have been exhausted. The chicks at this point think he's a weirdo, and excuse themselves to "go to the bathroom" or "go dance". The poor guy sits there, confused as to where he went wrong.
MOVE THINGS FORWARD AT ALL TIMES.
4. Too much group befriending. Let me say this: when you approach a group of girls, it's important to win them all over before you attempt to isolate your target. The approval of the peer group is invaluable, because without it, you run into problems like "anti-slut defense" (the chick's natural aversion to appearing sexually promiscuous in public).
That said, a lot of times guys make the mistake of befriending the peer group a little TOO MUCH. What ends up happening? You get thrown into the 'friend zone', and as we all know, there's no coming back from the friend zone. Worse, sometimes the target will think you're actually into the less-attractive friends, and she'll bow out so her friend can have a chance. Blech!
Get the peer group's approval, but isolate as soon as you've done it.
5. Be more flirty. You need to make it obvious that there's a sexual tension to the interaction, and in a lot of ways, this relates to #1. Be playful, give her slightly sexual looks, etc.
Listen, a lot of guys like using neutral opinion openers because of their 'stealth' qualities. They open great because they allow you to go in under the radar, so to speak. But once the set is open, it's time to drop the stealth mode and start GOING FOR IT!
6. Calibrating to the energy of the group. You have to understand that when you approach a group, you must go in with your energy level EQUAL TO or SLIGHTLY HIGHER THAN theirs. You must contribute something to the set, not be an "energy leech". This is especially true in the clubs where there is a lot of stimulation all around.
Again, this is just one of the more common reasons for sets not going anywhere; frequently the group will listen to what you have to say because they're being polite, but they won't feel attraction.
What this boils down to is not being afraid to be rejected. Many, many guys get to the point where they can open consistently, and it's something they weren't able to do before, and they enjoy the feeling of success. Then they don't move things forward, because they don't want to blow that feeling. It makes no LOGICAL sense, yet they do it anyway.
Take the above into serious consideration, get out in the field, and let me know your progress.
Let's take a success story:
*** SUCCESS STORY ***
The bootcamp was a mind-blowing paradigm shift between the way I saw the power play between the sexes THEN and NOW. It's like the introduction to the matrix... wow...
I found myself re-evaluating my whole life, I completely shifted my view of what's possible. Just seeing your arsenal of routines before we hit the clubs blew my mind. Your feedback and criticisms were right on and your support was inspiring.
I'm well on my way and look forward to many more incredible experiences. A new world opened and this is just the start.
- Stefan K., AZ
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Stefan, you old bastard! Long time no see. How's the scene in Scottsdale treating you?
This is why I love my job, it's an opportunity to really open people's eyes to the way things really work, and when you do, it's extremely fulfilling. It's like, I'm SUPER committed to making sure that every student I have walks away from the program with the tools they need to game at the top levels, and every Executive Coach feels the same way.
After that, it's up to the student to apply what they've learned back in "real life", and it would seem that you've done just that. Thanks, Stefan, your letter really helped put a silver lining on this cloudy day I'm having.
When your game sucks, every day can seem like a cloudy day. I know, because I've been there. You know you deserve a great girl, because inside you know you're a good guy.
Yet day after day, you see girls choosing jerks and losers, while you sit there in defeat. It doesn't make sense. It all seems like a complicated puzzle.
At the RSD Individualized Bootcamps, we decipher that puzzle for you so you can see all the parts, with a detailed schematic of exactly how they fit together. After that, the game stops being some elaborate, scary Rube Goldberg contraption and starts to look more like a child's toy.
The intense, one-on-one feedback and criticism you'll get at the program helps to ensure that by the end of day three, you are CHANGED FOREVER.
Listen. Every day that passes is a day you'll never get back. Why spend your life in misery when you can live a DREAM, pulling off the kind of stuff you only see in the movies?
Sign up for an Individualized Bootcamp TODAY by visiting our site:
Word up. Next question.
*** QUESTION ***
so here's my story...
I have some game... I've been to the RSD NYC seminar & in-field workshop back in April 04.
I'm having a bunch of problems with women & am doing this program b/c I feel I need to take drastic measures & am willing to do what it takes to majorly improve this.
so here's the main problems...
#1) I work a ridiculous amount of hours. This pretty much prohibits me from going out most nights. I basically stopped doing anything other than work, class, & the gym. I was making good progress, but I feel like this killed my momentum & now I'm kind of back where I started. I can't seem to get going again.
#6) THIS IS MAJORLY IMPORTANT - I was in a very long term relationship that ended very, very badly, so I'm just getting back out there. My confidence was destroyed, then was getting ok, I was making good progress with getting #s & dates.
Around the same time I started working a lot, my ex & I started getting back in touch. I still have some serious feelings for her. Lately since we've been back in touch, I think I've been getting wussified & for whatever reasons my confidence w/ women & approaching are gone. I feel totally awkward.
Friends have suggested that I should get to know a bunch of other women before I make any decisions about the ex. I think this is a good idea.
I really want to improve on this!
I don't really know what else to say, but so far this is not going well. I need your help!
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
It sounds to me like you are a very, very confused person.
Dude, I'm gonna give you some tough love here. In this situation, you want to have your cake and eat it too.
You want to go out and bang a lot of girls, but you also want to have a monogamous, long-term relationship.
You want to learn the skill set, but you don't want to set aside the time to go out and put the necessary work in.
Obviously, things are not "going well".
A wise man once said that your health and your wealth prop up your game. It's like a tripod. If one leg is weak, the others will fall.
Without a job, you won't have the money to go out and play the game. Work all the time, however, and you're not gonna be able to keep your game sharp, either.
You need to strike a balance. You need to decide what that balance is for YOU.
I'm not sure what else to say; the bottom line is, massive repetition of social interaction is the only way to cultivate a noticeably improved level of social intelligence.
There's no magic pill, no magical incantation I can say in this newsletter that's going to change you into a pick-up artist.
You have to get the sets under your belt, point-blank perriod.
With regard to the situation with your ex, it's a very similar scenario. You're going to have to make a decision, and that decision needs to come from a very, very frank place inside yourself.
Think about it. There was a REASON you broke up with her. You yourself said it ended "very very badly". What makes you think things will be any different now?
Consider (just CONSIDER) that you may be grabbing on to this relationship out of frustration with your recent problems with your game. Everybody wants the validation and emotional support that comes from a genuine, loving relationship. This thing with the ex would seem to be a convenient shortcut to that, given your schedule and so forth.
Ultimately, you have to do what's best IN THE LONG TERM.
You said you were having some success before all of this work. That's a good thing. Let me explain.
You said you were in the gym a lot, right? Well, pickup is a lot like working out.
If you keep at it, you get stronger and better. Stop for a while, however, and your muscles atrophy. If you stop for a long time, when you first start up again, you're gonna get sore, it's going to be as difficult as when you first started.
The thing is, your tone, your strength, it all comes back much more quickly than when you first started out. This is what they call "muscle memory", and a similar phenomenon can be observed with pickup.
I've had times where I didn't go out for a few weeks, and it felt like I was back at square one. Fortunately, all it took was a few nights of going out to get me back into top shape. It's like riding a bike.
So in conclusion, C, before you do ANYTHING, you need to decide what's really important to you and prioritize. If work comes first right now, that's fine, handle your business, the game will be there when you get back.
And now I'm gonna get back... to our regularly scheduled programming. That's right, I wanna tell you a little bit about our Personalized Workshops.
When you take the workshop, it's like signing up at one of the most elite gyms IN THE WORLD, with an entire cadre of the top trainers in the industry at your beck and call.
We give you the information and the insider tricks you'll need to SMOKE the competition and leave them with their jaws on the floor as you walk out the door with her on your arm. Each day over the course of the weekend, you'll be BOMBARDED with mountains of killer tactics and techniques so you can feel confident in your game plan.
As the program goes on, you see the material demonstrated right in front of you so you learn just what's possible, in real time, in the field.
Then we fine-tune your game... eliminating all your weaknesses and correcting all your mistakes. A lot of the time, it's just a matter of getting the fundamentals down: fixing your body language, watching your tonality and vocal projection, etc.
After that, all the pieces just fall into place.
For a lot of guys, by the end of the workshop they've undergone a COMPLETE TRANSFORMATION, from average and frustrated to near-supernatural in their ability to attract beautiful women.
I've seen it hundreds of times, and more importantly, it's something that I've gone through myself.
It might seem like I'm exaggerating here, but when you first learn these techniques, it feels like you've been granted magic powers or something.
But it's not magic. It's just the application of the field-tested, empirically verifiable tactics developed through YEARS of trial and error.
That's right... for the past several years, the Real Social Dynamics Executive Coaches have been in the field EVERY NIGHT, refining and honing our skills, cutting away the fat until we've distilled it down to what amounts to the most comprehensive, effective method for meeting and gaining attraction ever devised.
Instantly Profit From Our YEARS of Hard Work!
There is a way to jump the learning curve, and this is it.
To learn more about Real Social Dynamics workshops, visit our website at:
Anyway, I feel a lot better now. I've called up some of my boys, and it's time to get out there and get some more girls up in the rotation.
A rolling stone gathers no moss, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna be walking around with moss all up on me.
See you next time.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
PS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at email@example.com and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
Copyright 2004/2005 Real Social Dynamics Inc., All Rights Reserved. Real Social Dynamics is a trademark of Real Social Dynamics Inc. You agree to all of the following by accepting and reading this: You understand this to be an expression of opinions and not professional advice. It is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold Real Social Dynamics Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please go to the link at the end of this e-letter to stop receiving it or send mail to "RSD" 8491 West Sunset Boulevard, #452, West Hollywood, CA 90069.
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