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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
Move Things Forward and Get Her AloneGreetings, Friend! Today we're gonna dip into the ol' RSD Mailbag and answer some questions, hear some success stories, you know how we do it. So without any further ado, let's go to our first caller... *** QUESTION *** to whom it may concern: Yo, looking for a little help. So I have come a long way recently. My fear of approach at clubs is almost gone, street feels strange though. I feel like I may be ready for a bootcamp. I don't feel like bootcamp will be affective unless I get my sets down solid. My current set basically amounts to this: Attraction (good days) Qualify (marginal) Rapport (total crap) My body language is good. I can get into set pretty well. In fact I get some assumed "secret society" status, which I can hold with mostly body language. Later I'll screw it up with poor escalation. I guess my pluses are that I can get attraction well and pass most early shit tests. I think my rapport skills are shit and my qualify routine is marginal.I also need help as to when and how to escalating physically. Closing, whether it be number, kiss or full monty is WEAK! My biggest problem is I get deep into set and then sort of flounder. I am in, well liked by peer group, sort of fail to isolate and close. Thanks for the help- mark P.S. After rereading this I maybe over representing my skillset, my comments are based on good sets, not on total blowouts. -sorry >>>>>> MY REPLY: LOL... don't apologize. Nobody's perfect, even the best among us get blown out from time to time. The most important thing to remember is that this is a skill like any other, and it takes time to build. To use an old cliche, it's not a destination, it's a journey. It sounds nutty, but enjoy those blowouts while you can... I look back at some of my early crash & burns with a sort of amused nostalgia. Anyways, don't assume that a bootcamp would be ineffective just because you're not at an advanced level. At the beginning of the programs, the Executive Coaches assess your skill level and tailor the instruction to your particular needs. Whether you're a total newbie or relatively advanced, you'll see improvements after the program. So now onto your question. Sounds like you may be seeing things as being a little too linear. For example, you're saying that you're sets are: 1. Attract 2. Qualify 3. Rapport. Here's the thing... while those things do need to happen in that chronological order TO SOME EXTENT, they're actually all happening CONCURRENTLY. In other words, you need to be doing all three AT THE SAME TIME. When I go in, I'm sparking attraction, gaining rapport, and escalating physically SIMULTANEOUSLY. It might seem like it's kind of hard to juggle all these things at once, but once you get the hang of it, it's really not that difficult. Think of it as being a symphony conductor, blending all the elements together in harmony. Now, there's something else that I think might be going on here. When I hear guys say things like, "I get attraction but can't escalate," and then I observe them in the field, nine times out of ten it's the same thing. The fact of the matter is the guy isn't even TRYING to escalate. Like, they'll sit there and run attract material for forty minutes without even establishing BASIC physical contact, touching her arm or high fiving her for example. Or they're standing three feet away from her like it's a Jr. High school dance. A lot of times these problems stem from feelings of undeservedness, or from not wanting to blow the set when they've gotten good reactions so far. Listen, man, if you open a girl at a club and she sits and talks to you for thirty minutes without getting distracted and leaving, that's a major indicator of interest. These girls aren't stupid... they know what's going on and have a reasonable expectation that you are gonna step up and take responsibility for escalating things. Very rarely are THEY gonna do it for you. What's worse is, once you have attraction, there's a very small window of time in which you can escalate. Once that's passed, GAME OVER buddy. So my advice to you? Step it up. Push the envelope of what you think is possible... you'll probably be surprised. Another big mistake a lot of guys make is TOO MUCH GROUP BEFRIENDING. Yes, it's important to gain the trust and admiration of her friends, but once you have it, MOVE ON. Isolate her from the peer group at the earliest opportunity. "Can I borrow your friend for a second?" usually works for me. Then I take her to a more quiet area of the club and run a quick rapport bit to set the new tone (usually The Cube, do a search for this "ancient personality test"), and then just shift gears into deep and wide rapport, storytelling and the like, while simultaneously upping the physical ante. Next thing you know, I'm going for the kiss/venue change/ extraction... whichever seems appropriate. Hope that helps you out, man. Moving on... *** SUCCESS STORY *** Thought I'd chime in because I just completed the course with RSD in Montreal. My skill is very much improved from taking the course, and I have a direction and understanding that I didn't have before. It was well structured, and everyone got direct attention and feedback in their interactions. I finally got to see the types of skilled pickups that I'd read about. It was nothing like I've ever see from my natural friends, who are also very good in their own right and I've learned a lot from them too. The RSD guys are in a league of their own though. The instructors would tell me exactly how to approach, whisper into my ear what to say, and fix my body language, right in set IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS! The girls never noticed, and as soon as the corrections were made they would really open up. Then they would show the next one themselves, and they'd do what they'd showed me and it would work for them too. Then they'd push another student in, and breakdown to all of us what they were doing right and wrong while we'd watch, and then go in and fix it and whisper what to say to them. Progressively, everyone's skill was getting better. They carefully coaxed a lot of very shy guys into sets, and helped them quite a bit although I'm sure they'd need a lot of work. Some of these guys were really hard cases. You'd never think to see them holding the attention of anyone, and they were doing it. Others were pretty good coming in, and those guys were seeing major improvements and really heating things up. I actually watched Tyler walk right up to a couple who were making out, and say "MAY I CUT IN", as a joke. He figured out the girl had just met the guy (he later said because she was enjoying it too much), took her from him, and then kissed her within 3 minutes and took her number while the much bigger and better looking guy just sat there in shock. I was disgusted! The whole group was great, too. I heard two students give reports that they got laid at the end of the night, and one of them was very shy. Many students with no skill got tonguedowns and phone numbers, and all of them seemed a lot more confident. I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't take a lot from the program. - Slo, Montreal, Canada >>>>>> MY REPLY: Cool stuff. I was in Montreal on program last summer, and I thought it was a really awesome city, in spite of (or maybe because of) the fact that all I did for the entire trip was go to clubs and meet girls. It's always encouraging when I hear about guys walking away from the programs with a noticeably improved social intelligence and direction. Like I was saying earlier, regardless of the level of skill you have going in to the program, by the end of the weekend you're going to see major improvements. Guys who are novices will typically be opening sets regularly, intermediate guys will be able to build attraction on a consistent basis, and advanced students will see their game refined to top level. Moreover, the programs are intensely fun.
That whole "may I cut in" bit, we do retarded stuff like that all the time, just to clown around and keep everyone amused. Anyways, rock on... keep going out and keep building on that foundation you got at the program. *** QUESTION *** Dear pimp, Hi. I'm from a very VERY conservative Christian family with very conservative values. One of those was "Do Not CUSS!" Alright, I swear a little now, but to be honest, do you know what it's like to be ONE way your whole life, and then change? I'll get to the point. . . When and when do you not swear to/with a girl? What does it communicate? What does it not communicate? When is it bad? When is it useful? Could you just rant about that? Or have somebody else do it? Look, I'm from Arkansas. The Bible belt. I just graduated from a VERY conservative and strict-ruled Christian college. I'm not sure you would understand, but please try! Please! My hero!! I wuv you you sexy man meat, Jon >>>>>> MY REPLY: Uhh... okay... I DO live in San Francisco, but don't get carried away here... I don't think your family would approve, dude. So... To swear or not to swear? That is the question. Seriously, I think your question is important, although maybe not for the reasons you might think. Whether you "cuss" or not is irrelevant to success or failure in pickup. What matters is being congruent with who you are. Game, as I've said many times, is at its essence the expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the social interaction. Congruence is key to this. Congruence is why we are drawn to people of charisma. For most people, there's a gap between the persona that they present to the world, and the true persona that lies within them. For charismatic people, there is no gap. They communicate on a very pure level, and people are naturally attracted. We're hardwired to respond to this sort of communication. Now, personally, my everyday language tends to be peppered, if you will, with all sorts of coarse and coloful epithets, interspersed among various thesaurus-style SAT words. So for me, cursing is just a natural way that I express myself. If I were to roll up on some girls and start saying, "Gee whiz!" and "Aw, shoot!" it might seem somewhat odd. Incongruent. Now, obviously, there are situations where you might want to consider censoring yourself, for example, when at a dinner with high-ranking government dignitaries or some shit. ;) It's a matter of calibration. The most important thing, however, is that you stay true to who you are. If you don't like to swear, then using this type of language might actually work AGAINST you. Like a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Hope that helps, Jon. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's getting late and I really should be going to sleep right now, so that's it for the mailbag today. Before I go, I wanted to let you know that we've just updated our schedule for upcoming LIVE, IN-FIELD Real Social Dynamics Personalized Workshops and Bootcamps. It's no secret that our programs are one of the fastest, most rewarding ways to accelerate you on the road to becoming a master of social interactions. Without the intense, personalized training you'll receive during the program, you could spend years and years improving through trial and error.
These are the secrets that will ROCK your world, the stuff the "naturals" would KILL to know. With the program, you can jump the learning curve and start enjoying a new life in a matter of DAYS, not years. It's your life, and it's ticking away every second. If you're hearing a voice in the back of your mind that says, "Go for it!" then follow that instinct and learn more about our upcoming programs by clicking here:
During your personalized bootcamp, you'll be pushed to your limits...
Then you'll be pushed some more!
And the entire time, the RSD executive coaches will be there, not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and suggestions, but also to demonstrate what is REALLY possible.
To learn more about RSD Personalized Bootcamps, visit:
This is an investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.
Thanks again for reading our newsletter, and I'll see you next time with some more REAL-LIFE tips and tactics. Over and out.
All right, seriously, I gotta go to bed... until next time, play on... Sincerely, Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
PS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at email@example.com and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
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