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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
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Nine Quick Fixes That Will Immediately Boost Your Success With WomenHey, Friend. What's up.
Sometimes, being an Executive Coach for RSD is a lot like being a doctor in the ER.
Ever since I started doing this, I've seen guys come to the programs in a PANIC about their inability to open groups consistently, paralyzing inner game issues, terrible fashion sense, and so on and so forth. The equivalent of the gunshot wounds, car accidents and strokes that show up in the emergency room.
Along the way, RSD has earned a reputation as a company that solves problems. We like the rep, too... and we're proud that it's been a long, long time since we've encountered a problem with a guy's game that we couldn't fix.
And fix FAST.
Usually, taking a live RSD program can fix even the most hard-core problems - by pumping up confidence, setting up new belief systems, or straight smacking you up and turning you around 180 degrees, if you're headed in the wrong direction.
Sometimes, however, we need to go right to the heart of the problem, and start rearranging things from the ground up.
Often, the problems are just plain fundamental. It's simple to work with clients who are saavy about social interaction. But if they're NOT... it's like starting a race 10 feet behind the starting line.
You gotta play a very fast game of "catch up".
So, like a doctor quickly checking vital signs, I learned to do a *rapid* check-up on the basics of any "patient". No matter how drastic the problem appears, the *solution* to the problem is usually something EXTREMELY SIMPLE.
The basics are the first things to look at.
I've got my own checklist in my head now, because I've done this for so long. But when I started out, before I had a lot of experience with different kinds of flaws in guys' game, I had to scramble to figure out what was going on. This checklist you now hold in your hands was created a long time ago... when I was still being astonished at how FUNDAMENTAL most solutions were to bad game.
I found this checklist recently, while going through some files. Actually, these were just some notes I scribbled down during a post-workshop debrief at 6AM in London... me and the guys were wide awake, and I had a flight to catch at 8, so we just stayed up until dawn talking game. When I found it, I knew exactly what it was.
This list served me very well in my early days of coaching.
Nothing whatsoever has changed about the fundamentals, nor will they ever change. So, this list should serve YOU well, too. It's the result of some hard-core studying and experimentation... and also the input from some of the best in the game. Enjoy.
CHECKLIST POINT #1: VOICE TONALITY/DELIVERY
Aside from body language, this is probably the biggest thing I see missing from most guys' game. The fact of the matter is, YOU CAN'T BUILD ATTRACTION IF THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
You can't mumble and fumble your opener and expect to get a good response. You need to project your voice from the diaphragm.
Five years of karaoke training have made this second nature to me, but for a lot of guys, it feels unnatural.
Furthermore, it's sometimes necessary to raise the pitch of your voice in order to cut through the loud music playing at most clubs. Don't be concerned about sounding like a Chipmunks Christmas album, it's not noticeable amidst the thumping bass.
Your delivery is important, too. Ever heard a news anchor flub a syllable on TV? It's minor, but because it's on TV, it seems like a glaring error. It's the same in pickup... you're being closely scrutinized, so you need to eliminate all "ummms" and "ahhs" from your vocabulary. SMOOTH.
Finally, start paying attention to the rhythm of your communication. Rhythm, expression and sexuality are all intertwined, and it's important to deliver a smooth flow, modulating things dynamically.
CHECKLIST POINT #2: SMOOTHENING OUT/TOO JITTERY
So often, I see guys roll up to a set and deliver their opener, then start making these weird, jerky head movements. Like, they're having a damn seizure. The girls are like, WTF??
Or sometimes, it's weird, spastic hand gestures. Or maybe they're just shifting from foot to foot incessantly. In any case, it's not long before the ladies start giving each other that "let's get the hell out of here" eye code. Buh-bye!
The point is, these things are subcommunicating a lack of confidence.
In other words, while your words might be those of a suave-ass James Bond type, the subtext is that of Steve Urkel.
Just take a deep breath, and relax. This ain't brain surgery, Bucko.
CHECKLIST POINT #3: BE MORE PLAYFUL
Another key one. This is related to #2, in the sense that the perp is taking things way too seriously.
The difference is, in this case, the guy is acting like he's an appointee for the Supreme Court being interrogated by the Senate Judiciary Comittee. All business. Stone-faced. Giving curt, matter of fact responses to everything the chick says.
OK, what you gotta understand is that when the ladies hit the club, they are there to HAVE FUN. Not to engage in a job interview.
Loosen up, bro. Have a little fun yourself. Don't be afraid to act a little foolish. Joke around.
CHECKLIST POINT #4: FOCUS ALL MENTAL ENERGY
What I mean by this is, you've gotta silence the chatter in your head when you approach.
The only thing you should be thinking about is what's unfolding as you go in. Not what MIGHT happen or what COULD happen.
Consider this: a social interaction is a living, breathing, dynamic thing during the course of which an infinite number of things can occur.
Given that, doesn't it make sense that you'd need as much "processor speed" as humanly possible in order to perceive what's happening, decide what the proper course of action is, and respond instantly?
Sure it does.
Cycling through failure scenarios in your head isn't gonna do anything but rob you of that precious brainpower.
Worse, that internal pollution is gonna taint the broadcast: you will end up inadvertently giving off an "insecure" vibe.
Don't do it!
CHECKLIST POINT #5: FRAME CONTROL
Another thing that screws most people up at a fundamental level is a lack of frame control.
Controlling the frame means controlling the context and the direction of the conversation. Being commanding.
Too many guys will hear an unfavorable comment and just deflate and give up. Or sometimes, the girls will say something negative about them and they fall into it by addressing it.
The next thing you know, the discussion is out of their control and they're faced with the distasteful choice of either digging themselves out of the hole, or giving up and ejecting.
At this point, most guys do the latter. Frankly, so would I.
Best to prevent things from getting to that point in the first place. That means cutting off threads that work against you.
That means talking over people who are saying things that don't lead the conversation in the ways you want it to go.
Sometimes, it means flagrantly changing the subject with a ridiculous non-sequiter. Whatever works.
Frame control can be a difficult thing to learn, but I can't stress this enough:
It's absolutely necessary.
CHECKLIST POINT #6: MOVE THINGS FORWARD
Ever see that movie "Glengarry Glen Ross"? The motto of the salesmen in the movie is "ABC: Always Be Closing". This is the motto of the successful pick-up artist as well.
Don't get me wrong here. I don't mean you should go up to women and try to get them back to your place in the shortest time possible. Don't jump the gun... you gotta take things one step at a time. This isn't a race.
By the same token, however, I get frustrated when I see guys talking to these girls for hours on end without doing anything to escalate things toward a situation where things get physical.
Like, it's three hours in and they haven't even touched her on the arm.
I think a big reason guys do this is because they're afraid to get blown out. Like, they think, "Ok, this is going great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're vibing really well, I better not screw it up by trying to escalate."
News flash, man... if they're sticking around, it's highly likely that they know what's going on, and they EXPECT you to escalate.
These girls have reasonable expectations that you're gonna step up at some point and take things to the next level. Don't let them down. It's just tacky.
Remember, once a girl's attracted to you, there's a WINDOW of time in which you can "strike" so to speak. Once that window's closed, you're done, bro.
Always have a direction, and always be moving the set forward in that direction.
CHECKLIST POINT #7: FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
This one kinda ties in with #3. It's about being expressive.
At RSD, we define game as: the expression of your inner state, conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the social interaction.
Some of these guys I see in the field are talking to the girls, and they look like a marble bust of George Washington or something... maybe that "strong silent type" bit works in cerrtain cases, but we're going for consistency, folks.
When I'm in set, I'm mugging like Jim frickin Carrey. Sometimes I'll have this stupid smirk on my face, other times I'll look at them like I'm judging them, other times I'll scrunch up my nose and wink at them.
It all depends on the energy I'm getting from the girl. I calibrate and react accordingly. There are XXX muscles in your face (I don't know, it's a really big number), and these let you express an almost infinite range of emotions.
Try it now. Go to the mirror and make as many faces as you possibly can. Go ahead... nobody's looking. And if they are, at least you'll entertain them.
OK, that's enough. You're scaring me.
I do this frequently as an exercise to keep those expressions queued up and ready to go.
Remember: 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, and a HUGE portion of that 90 percent comes from the expression on your face.
Trust me on this... it's gotten me laid more times than I can accurately recall.
CHECKLIST POINT #8: STANDING TOO FAR AWAY
Similar to #6. Now, obviously, you don't want to spook the girl by rolling up and getting two inches from her face right off the bat.
That's just asking for rejection, it's creepy.
You wanna approach with non- threatening body language.
Maybe even a little "active disinterest". To show you're not one of the dozens of needy losers that hit on her every night.
At some point, you have to get closer. It's just a fact. Okay? Nothing is gonna happen if you stay at arm's length... except get your butt thrown into the dreaded "friend zone".
You gotta "cut in".
I'll usually get all up in their space as soon as I know I've hooked them. That is, as soon as I know they've stopped thinking, "Why is this guy talking to me," and started thinking, "I hope this guy doesn't stop talking to me."
This doesn't mean I have to STAY there. I'll back off just as abruptly as I went in. It all goes back to calibration. Give-and-take.
The point is, I get in there. ASAP. You should too.
CHECKLIST POINT #9: PLAYING A CHARACTER
This is a funny one. You see this usually when a guy has a lot of rehearsed lines and so forth under his belt, although that's not exclusively the case.
What happens is the guy is saying things that SHOULD sound smooth and cool... but it sounds like he's reading from a script.
Like, it's a little TOO cool. Like an actor in an after-school special about cheesy "players". Not pretty.
It's like, when you shoot a home video and you put on some weird "narrator" voice... "And HEEEERE'S the KITCHEN!!!" It's not genuine.
You do it because you know this might potentially be viewed by thousands of people, and it's a defense mechanism against being perceived in certain ways.
So when guys do this in field, it's the same thing. A defense mechanism. They put out the character to keep their "real" self safe from rejection.
Ironically, this tends to CAUSE rejection. Life sucks, huh?
Believe it or not, most people (and especially women) have a keen sense of when someone's faking sincerity. Unless you're an acclaimed Shakesperean actor, you're better off being genuine.
So that's the checklist.
Now, I'm not suggesting you write this thing down and carry it around with you. Nor is it meant to be a comprehensive cure-all.
These are just some of the most common mistakes we see guys make in the field, so take a quick inventory and see if you're guilty of any of them.
For guys with a lot of experience, it may seem simplistic... but no one will doubt that the basics are what get violated the most.
Use this checklist on yourself, until it becomes second nature. And use it when you're doing triage on someone else's sick game.
You'll be surprised how often the culprit behind a problem is... the simplest thing in the world.
We've got new dates up on the schedule for our live, in-field, Personalized Workshops and Bootcamps. During the live RSD programs, we'll provide MOUNTAINS of solid information and tactics to improve your game. Then you'll venture out into the field with the RSD Executive Coaches, who will provide extremely detailed feedback about your strengths and weaknesses, helping you eradicate all sticking points.
The checklist above is just the tip of the iceberg. Over the course of the three day program, we'll conduct an EXHAUSTIVE analysis of your game until no stone has been left unturned, so to speak.
Check out our upcoming schedule here:
For an even more personalized experience, try one of our Personalized Bootcamps. We'll push you beyond what you thought you were capable of.
Then you'll be pushed some more!
And the entire time, the RSD executive coaches will be there, not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and suggestions, but also to demonstrate what is REALLY possible.
With this information, you'll score more than you ever thought possible (while expending a fraction of the effort!).
To learn more about RSD Personalized Bootcamps, visit:
This is an investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.
Take it easy, player... see you next time.
Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
PS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.
Copyright 2004/2005 Real Social Dynamics Inc., All Rights Reserved. Real Social Dynamics is a trademark of Real Social Dynamics Inc. You agree to all of the following by accepting and reading this: You understand this to be an expression of opinions and not professional advice. It is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold Real Social Dynamics Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please go to the link at the end of this e-letter to stop receiving it or send mail to "RSD" 8491 West Sunset Boulevard, #452, West Hollywood, CA 90069.
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