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The Right Way to Compliment Her

Hello again, Friend.

It's time for some good old-fashioned Q&A with your pal Jeffy as I dig through the RSD mailbag once more. You know the drill, let's hit it...

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jeffy,

I'm a 24 yr old guy from melbourne australia, have a 2nd date on Tuesday night.

Met the girl through a friend - she said she was interested to see me.

1st date didn't go to plan... I was very tired... didn't say anything exciting very unimpressed with how i went... but when we parted she said she had a nice time.

I sent her a msg the next day (I know that is bad) apologised for my lack of talk and said I though she was pretty cute (cringes)... she wrote back 1 word... 'thanks'

Anyways my friend caught up with her and convinced her to send me a text asking to go out again. So... I thought she must be interested... asked her out for dinner.

But then I found out at a party she's seeing another guy later in the week for coffee... my friend reckons he's a bit of a geek and probly just cornered her but yeh its thrown a whole new picture over things... don't know what I should do.

Make a move or not? Go somewhere nice or just play it down.

I'm thinking of booking a bootcamp in sydney sometime... but would be interested to see if you can help me out.

Cheers

-Mic.

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Ok Mic, I'm gonna bitchslap you right up front so's we can get that whole unpleasantness out of the way.

You made a lot of mistakes here, and it's clear you know it, and you know *I* know you know it.

You felt that your game wasn't up to par on the first meeting, despite the fact that she said she had a nice time. So you sent her that insipid message in which you both apologized and complimented her.

OUCH!

So you know it was wrong, but let's examine WHY it was wrong.

Remember the number one rule of pickup:

ALWAYS BE COOLER THAN THE GIRL.

In other words, you always want to display higher VALUE than your target. Having high value means that you have something to offer, that the girl could gain social status by being with you.

One way to demonstrate that you are of lower value is by QUALIFYING YOURSELF. There are many, many ways that a person can qualify themselves, but for our purposes qualifying will mean anything we do that somehow makes excuses for our behavior.

Now, in your particular case, you apologized for your "lack of talk". Ask yourself this: what made you think that was a bad thing? After all, she said she had a nice time. Did you ever stop to think that she might have perceived your behavior as aloof and slightly uninterested?

If this was the case, your silence may have actually worked in your favor. Think about it. She's the one that expressed interest in YOU, which means right off the bat, you're coming in with higher value. Then you go ahead and pull this lunkheaded qualifying move and blow it. All of a sudden, YOU'RE the one chasing HER, not the other way around.

NEVER CHASE!!

Now, you seemed to consider the compliment an error as well. I know that the prevailing wisdom in certain circles is "never compliment", and as a rule of thumb that's fairly accurate. But in a case like this where the chick thinks you're so cool as to be uninterested, a small compliment can do wonders to raise her value and put her on an equal playing field. This all comes down to calibration.

Side note: in a case where I wanted to give a compliment, I wouldn't make it related to her looks. This can cause problems in the qualification phase later because it can make her think that you only want her for her ass. So, I might say something like, "You know what? You're really intelligent. I can tell by the way you speak." You get the picture.

Aaaanyway. Despite this misfire, she asked YOU out... again! OK, this chick is officially chasing you, man.

But then you go and set up a DINNER DATE. Dum duum dum!!

The traditional dinner date is such a buzzkill, I don't even know where to begin. First, it sets up a "serious/courtship" frame that can put her in a state where she wants to "make you wait", etc. Secondly, it costs money. Third... I could go on and on, but I don't want to get too into this.

Cancel the dinner if you can, take her out for drinks instead. If you MUST go to dinner, select a laid-back place where you can eat at the bar, or in a lounge-type area where there won't be a TABLE between you obstructing you from touching her.

This whole thing with the other guy? Fuggedaboutit. This stuff is irrelevant, don't even think about it. Besides, after you take her out, she'll forget all about this chode.

Here's what you're gonna do:

Take her out to drinks near your house. Pump her with attract material, initiate physical contact, build an emotional connection, extract her back to your pad, and bang her. It's really that simple.

That said, I sense certain attitudes in your letter that raise red flags.

First off, this whole thing was set up for you by your social circle, which would suggest to me that you aren't really doing cold approaches. If I'm off-base here, I apologize. If it's true, then, well, you gotta get out there and start doing up those cold approaches.

If you are serious about wanting to improve your skill with women, you're gonna have to get out there and get the cold approaches under your belt.

Secondly, you seem awfully concerned with how this thing is gonna turn out. Maybe you just want to succeed, I can completely understand that, but ask yourself why you want it to work out.

What I'm trying to say here is, don't put too much importance on any one girl. If you're playing the game, you're probably getting several solid phone numbers a week. If you're getting all those numbers, the likelihood of getting yourself into a situation where you all all concerned about the outcome is very slim.

Remember: being concerned with the outcome ironically ends up CAUSING FAILURE, due to bad sub communication.

That's why it's important to not concern yourself too much with any one girl. It's much easier to just go in and flip those attraction switches on a new girl than to backtrack and try to fix things when you've made errors.

Anyway, don't overthink all of this. Take what I've said into consideration, then forget about it. Go to the date and do what you gotta do.

That's it. Next caller.

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hey jeffy,

I was at the bootcamp last month, wanted to share my experience with you.

I learned about reference points and their importance. The structure of the bootcamp allowed me to learn techniques from the instructors then immediately apply them to meeting women and get immediate feedback. This real-world value beats reading/ listening to a bunch of ebooks and programs but not being able to "get" how it really works in the real world. It was excellent for boosting confidence in meeting women.

Tim helped me pick some really cool clothes and shoes, and taught me isolation and escalation. I learned many subtle but important points such as the importance of having the stronger frame. At night we had field practice, which ended with extracting 2 girls back to the penthouse with Tim's help. Excellent program!

- Keng Y., Singapore

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Cool deal. Even though pulling girls back to the place you're staying while on the bootcamp is a pretty common experience, I always like to hear about it. Congratulations. I'm glad you got so much out of the program.

It really is a "real-world value" that beats any amount of reading or listening to audio programs. It's like, you can read lots and lots of material on how to ride a motorcycle, but the fact of the matter is, you simply aren't going to pick up the skill set until you strap on a helmet and fire up the bike.

That's what we do at the RSD Individualized Bootcamps.

A lot of times, people think that the bootcamp is some magical mystical ritual where we sprinkle goat blood on you, then say the magic words and POOF! You're a player.

In reality, it's much simpler. It's no different than taking a hands-on course on how to ride a motorcyle, albeit a very high-powered Italian superbike. :)

The instructors tell you what to do, demonstrate it live, then let you go at it, staying by your side the whole time to help you out and correct your errors.

No amount of reading or listening to audio programs can effect this much change in this short a time.

To learn more about Real Social Dynamics Individualized Bootcamps, visit our site:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/education/bootcamps.asp

You will NOT be sorry.

Next question.

*** QUESTION ***

Hey, I have a question. How do you balance thinking about the game with your life you already have. i.e. with university studies. I find even one pick-up a day on purpose, disturbs my 'minute-to-minute' thinking and throws me off my studies.

The 'punishment' i receive from low marks after all the successful macking impedes my progress. Any insights, solutions to this problem?

I experience rapid reacquisition when I start macking after an intense semester ('cause now I am going back to just concentrating on school during the semester) but this obviously means i am still overall impeding my progress.

KM, Toronto

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

KM: Impeding your progress towards WHAT exactly?

I've been in this game a long time now, and I've met plenty of guys who threw themselves into it headlong, gave up everything else in their lives in their single-minded determination to master the pick-up arts, then had a nervous breakdown when they got to the top of the mountain and found that having skill with women wasn't the ultimate secret to happiness.

In life, it's important to strike a balance between the things that are important to you. Without that, you will fall. Not literally, of course, but figuratively.

When I first got into the game, I became obsessed with it, to the point where I began to neglect the other areas of my life. My performance at work began to suffer from all the long nights. Old friendships fell to the wayside because they didn't want to "get with the program" and pick up girls with me seven days a week.

Fortunately, I never had to hit "rock bottom", because an older, wiser fellow player turned me on to some wisdom. He told me that this thing of ours is about the JOURNEY, not the destination.

You've got to learn to find fulfillment in the process of improvement itself. In other words, you gotta stop to smell the roses. There's no need to burn the candle at both ends in some ridiculous race to the top.

You said yourself, you experience rapid reacquisition when you start up again, this is quite typical. Think long-term. Don't screw yourself over by neglecting your studies.

The game will still be here when you get back. ;)

And when you do, we'll be here for you with open arms (subtle Journey reference! Get it?!).

And when that time comes, maybe you'll want to take the RSD Personalized Workshop. This is an experience just as fulfilling as an Individualized Bootcamp, but with an added twist: instead of working with just ONE Executive Coach, you'll have the opportunity to be instructed and critiqued by several, over the course of a weekend.

Just like in the bootcamp, you'll be carpet-bombed with information during the day, and parachute into the field at night, commando-style, to wing with the instructors in teams. You'll be pushed to your limits, then pushed some more, with the instructors right there by your side to provide the intensely detailed feedback you need to rocket your game to the next level.

The fact of the matter is, our live programs are, bar none, the best way to upgrade your game to the next level.

This is the stuff that has been developed through years of work in the field, 7 nights a week and is empirically verifiable as the best, most efficient system out there when it comes to pulling the hottest ass at will.

To learn more, visit our site:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/education/seminars.asp

I'd like to take the time to thank you once again for reading our newsletter, {!name}. I don't know where I'd be without you.

Oh wait, I do know, I'd be out getting laid. But I love you anyway.

Peace out till next time.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS

PS...Do you have any questions or success stories that you'd like to see in this newsletter? Keep it brief, email them to me at jlaix@realsocialdynamics.com and I'll answer them personally. I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve
it in a SNAP.

Copyright 2004/2005 Real Social Dynamics Inc., All Rights Reserved. Real Social Dynamics is a trademark of Real Social Dynamics Inc. You agree to all of the following by accepting and reading this: You understand this to be an expression of opinions and not professional advice. It is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, and content and hold Real Social Dynamics Inc. and all members and affiliates harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please go to the link at the end of this e-letter to stop receiving it or send mail to "RSD" 8491 West Sunset Boulevard, #452, West Hollywood, CA 90069.




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