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Dennis W. Neder
Real Social Dynamics
Meet people from all over the US interested in no-strings attached fun.
How To Talk To Women Over The PhoneI get a lot of questions about talking to women over the phone. Instead of answering each one individually I thought I'd do a whole article on the topic. As I'm teaching you exactly how step-by-step to talk to women over the phone, I'll be alluding to an essential *key ingredient* for ATTRACTING women in general. SO KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED AS YOU READ ON.
The lurid reality is this: The vast majority of phone numbers men get will never amount to anything, because most men DON'T know the right way to talk to women over the phone.
If you have not yet learned the *right way* to talk to women over the phone, REALIZE that mastering this skill will at the very least DOUBLE your current success with women – point blank!
When getting a woman's phone number, the average collective male chooses one of three categories of action. In most cases, however, he is damned no matter which of the three categories he chooses. As you READ each category it will become apparent to you why this is the case.
Category # 1: Trying To Win Over A Woman's Heart…
Some of you hopeless romantics might argue: there is a heap of sentimental value encapsulated in the journey of winning over a woman's heart. Maybe so. But in the wake of your efforts your chances are slim to nil of generating ANY attraction with her.
Women are ATTRACTED to men who are the PRIZE. When you try to win over, impress, or get validation from a woman, you are making her the Prize in the interaction, not you. Doing this is the quickest rout to eradicating ANY ATTRACTION there. I should know; I've lost many women from doing this. Their attitude towards me turned from fun loving warmth into contemptuous ennui, imputing me as the source of their boredom. Scorning me, as if I was a suppository wrapped in gold foil that they mistakenly bit into, credulously thinking I was an Almond Roca.
Some men will try to win a woman over by attempting to act entertaining or funny. Acting entertaining and funny can generate MASSIVE ATTRACTION in women but only within the context of being the Prize.
In the context, however, of trying to win a woman over, acting entertaining and funny will destroy any ATTRACTION that was there. Even if a woman is laughing at everything you are doing and saying, she will probably be thinking: "Dance little monkey…dance!" Women somehow clairvoyantly know when you're acting entertaining and funny as a means to impressing or getting validation from them.
If you're adamant about acting entertaining and funny, that's fine. But make sure you have the mindset that you're doing it for your own amusement, not trying to win her approval. I know many guys who aren't particularly funny, though, women find them hilarious and very attractive. This is largely because these men aren't acting funny and entertaining in the context of trying to win a woman over. They, instead, are enjoying and amusing themselves. So, when talking to a woman on the phone DON'T worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.
Many guys will try to fill the quota of a woman's "Ideal Man." What usually happens is this: As a guy is talking over the phone with a woman she'll bring up what she likes – or more often, what she disdains – in a man. Most guys, then, end up trying to qualify or prove to the woman that they are her ideal man. Don't do this. It conveys to the woman that you view her as a Prize you are trying to win over. If a woman starts listing her "man" standards and requirements or begins yapping about a guy she really likes, interrupt her with, "this conversation's really boring me" or, alternatively, start conspicuously yawning. Both tactics are very powerful because they transform the underlying meaning of your phone conversation from:
To win her over you have to possess or display such-and-such qualities.
You letting her know that her conversation topic is not winning her any points with you.
(If you DIDN'T get what I just wrote, read it a few more times – it is really important!).
A direr version of this is when guys probe women with questions about what they look for in a man. If you are guilty of this, stop it! Besides making you look insecure about how you measure up to what she's normally ATTRACTED to, you're defining the underlying meaning of the phone conversation as her being the Prize, not you. When talking to women on the phone, DON'T probe her with questions about what she's normally attracted to. ASSUME, instead, that you are the Prize she is trying to win over. Make her fill the quota of your ideal woman. While talking to a brunette on the phone, I might, for example, haphazardly chuckle to which she'll inevitably shoot back with, "What?" I'll rebut with, "You're a brunette, aren't you?" and she'll say, "Yes." Then I'll let her know she doesn't fill my quota with, "I only like blondes! You aren't my type…but we can be friends." Doing this is more than light hearted banter: I'm defining the underlying meaning of our phone conversation as me being the Prize.
I know a few guys that try to win women over by giving lots of compliments. I think giving women compliments can be very powerful. But when you give a woman compliments within the context of trying to win her over, you become a courtier: a flatterer of someone more important than you. Put simply, you are unknowingly implying that she is the Prize, not you.
Category # 2: Treating Her Like Your Wife…
If a woman gives you her number – even if you feel like you have a special connection with her or end up sleeping with her the first night you meet – she is not yet your girlfriend or wife. Treating a woman like a wife when first getting to know her will hurl you to the top of the Creep-O-Meter. This means DON'T: ask her questions about other guys she's seeing, suspiciously interrogate her about how she spends her time, and angrily reprimand her for flaking on you. How she spends her time is her business. Telling a confident, intelligent woman who you've just met what she can and cannot do will make her run so fast it will make your head spin.
At some point, most of us, guys, have been chagrined by a woman flaking on us, causing us to brood over it for hours and, then, angrily reprimand her to no avail – it sucks! But you know what: Whoop-de-do…go sail a f*ing boat! Suck it up! She doesn't care. Put your rampant intellectual coping mechanism in check. The angrier you get, the less ATTRACTED to you she'll be. Later on I'll tell you the *right way* to handle women flaking. SO KEEP READING.
Category # 3: Acting Aloof And Disinterested And Letting Her Pursue You…
More than a few people have accused me of endorsing this category. There only half right. As you read on, you'll get what I mean.
One of the morals in the movie Swingers is: You need to wait seven days before calling a girl's number – you wouldn't want to look needy or desperate. They give a pretty funny example illustrating the consequences of breaking this moral when the protagonist, a lovable-loser named "Mike" calls a woman he has only known for a few hours seven times in a row, redounding in her telling him to never call her again (If you haven't seen the movie, do so. It's a must). This moral has become intrinsic to the zeitgeist of the modern dating advice and self-help for men world.
The moral is right in theory but wrong in practice. With beautiful women in the Real World, NOT acting proactive will lead to many lonely nights. To smack you upside the head with this, waiting for women to call you is a hopeless strategy. Unless you've gotten a woman on the hook, waiting for her to call is not making her chase you, it is passively wishing for her to pursue you.
I am NOT touting you to chase, pursue, and try to win women over, either.
Proactive Prizing: Actively Creating A Space For Her To Chase You...
In my book I talk about Prizing – the art of making a woman chase you. You can only Prize women, however, within certain contexts. And MOST of the time, you need to proactively create these contexts. Passively waiting for these contexts is a losing battle.
This especially applies to Prizing women over the phone. If you DON'T call a woman or if you passively wait for her to call you, you aren't proactively creating the context to Prize her. It isn't her responsibility to chase you; it's your responsibility to make her chase you. Don't be passive. Take the initiative. Be Proactive.
Will some women think you are chasing them? Yes, but who cares! You can undermine this by, for example, telling her: "You aren't my type and I want to let you know that I'd never go for you, though I do find you amusing to talk to." This is a form of what in my book I call "Push-Pull." If you've been studying my book, you probably have already realized why doing something like this will quickly and effectively get a woman chasing you.
I remember the days when I'd passively wait for a woman to call me. Looking back, I now realize the heaps of success I missed out on, all because I didn't yet understand the concept of proactive Prizing.
The better you get at this the more you'll find women asking you out on dates over the phone – it's almost scary how much this happens to me. Don't passively, however, wait for a woman to ask you out on a date. It is up to you to get her from the phone to a physical location (Maybe I'll do a whole newsletter addressing this topic). Will some women perceive this as you chasing them? Yes but, as I said before, you can undermine this later. Let me give you an example. A few years ago, I was talking over the phone with a woman who mentioned an affinity for art. I invited her to an art exhibit. She responded with, "Are you trying to ask me out on a date?!" I chuckled and Prized back with, "No…my grandmother's coming too. I know the elderly don't leave the house much so I thought I'd do my good deed for the year by getting you two girls out for some fresh air. Oh, just to let you know, I don't tolerate funny smells. So be sure to wear your adult diaper." She laughed and, then, told me I was a wicked bastard. But she showed up at the museum, claiming to be wearing her adult diaper. Luckily, her diaper ended up being G-string underwear.
You don't always have to undermine your intentions when asking a girl out but it usually can't hurt, plus it takes the pressure off her thinking it is some big date.
Sometimes, no matter what you say, women end up flaking. I've met tons of guys who are amazing with women. Yet even they have experienced women flaking on them. Any guy who tells you he never has women flake on him is lying – point blank. The reasons for women flaking are too numerous to list in this newsletter. Many of these reasons are probably different from ones you've thought of. Some attractive women, for example, will flake on guys out insecurity, fearing that he'll discover their flaws, making him less attracted to them. For your sake, however, it is not important to analyze and address the reasons why women flake. If they flake, brush it off, keep proactively Prizing them, and then ask them out again.
As long as you follow my guidelines – even if you're still super nervous while talking to girls on the phone – you'll be a hundred times better off. And if you haven't already picked up a copy of my book, do so. I give you step-by-step instruction on how to establish yourself as the PRIZE and get any woman chasing you, allowing you to achieve the mastery and success with women you deserve. And this is only scratching the surface of what I'm going to teach you. Stop allowing opportunities to pass you by. Let me show you step-by-step how to generate massive attraction with women.
Swinggcat responds to your emails:
I wanted to compliment you on your e-letters. I subscribe to a few of the dating e-letters that are out there, and I think you have some of the best "real-life" advice to give. I think many of the other sites are beneficial in meeting a girl and maybe getting laid. But yours is probably the best for developing a relationship.
Your comments on being friends with women is the perfect example of this. Some of the other sites seem to totally neglect this. Female friends are a major help in attracting women. When I've gone out with a mixed group of friends (women and men), the level of attraction from women is so much higher than when I'm just with my guy friends. My female friends have also given some good advice when it comes to attraction.
For most of us out there looking to improve ourselves in this aspect, finding and keeping a great women is our ultimate goal. For a 30-something year old, like myself, I don't just want to find some random girl to have sex. I want a relationship, and your advice definitely helps with that.
Keep up the good work!
MA, Middletown, NJ
Thank you for this! Most dating experts fall into one of two categories: Either they are relationship experts or pick up gurus. I don't think I fit into either category. My approach is more holistic. I believe that many of the skills typically associated with picking up women are essential to having successful relationships. And, likewise, many of the skills usually associated with having healthy successful relationships are essential to meeting and picking up on women. Once again, thank you.
Your letters are very good stuff! Congratulations, man.
I enjoy them enormously.
I have a question for you though: how can I establish
PRIZABILITY with a woman without saying a word? Only
by looking at each other, without a word?
G. from Sydney, Australia
Ah yes…A truly lazy man. Love it! For those who DON'T know, PRIZABILITY is establishing yourself as the PRIZE when interacting with women. Just like proactive Prizing is important, you need to PROACTIVELY establish yourself as the Prize. Using your eyes, however, will suffice. One thing that will help enormously is really developing your belief that you are the Prize (Also, reread my article, Demystifying Charisma. I break down step-by-step how to develop a strong intent. This should help).
As for what you should do with your eyes, you'll have to wait for my audio course.
I think actually what I said before about how you can always make her think you are the PRIZE is wrong, or rather it applies only to immature masochists. Or rather, the lower a woman's self-esteem and maturity, the more likely it is to work. There is nothing anyone could do to make a mature woman in excellent mental health "lose it" and put out because he is "the PRIZE". He can make them think he's an attractive jerk, yes. But more attractive for a man than they are for a woman, so they "have to" put out regardless of whether he has given any indication that they might be special to him, no. But for better or worse, immature masochists are the pool that pros deal with, so practically speaking it does not matter much. The things you say (and what I said) will definitely work with that crowd. What that is worth, other than ego-gratification, is another question.
First off, there is still a gruesome stigma in our culture about loose women. This forces many girls to put on the goody two shoes façade. But it's only pretense. It is actually quite astounding how many women partake in "no strings attached" sex. There probably are some women that stay true to, for example, no premarital sex…no if, ands, or buts. This number, however, is most likely a lot lower than what you're thinking.
Furthermore, a woman partaking in "no strings attached" sex has nothing to do with her being either a mature woman or, as you call it, an immature masochist. All it reflects is her value and belief system. Put simply, there are different strokes for different folks.
I don't teach men to try to convince women that they are the Prize. What I teach, instead, is how to establish yourself and genuinely be the Prize with women. There's a huge difference.
Most successful, confident, go-getter women go after what they want – no strings attached sex included. If you establish yourself as the Prize, they will most likely go after you – it's only nature.
Being the Prize does not mean being a jerk. Being a jerk can be one style of being the Prize. You can, however, be a genuinely nice, standup guy, while still being the Prize.
Dude, you rock. I've read a lot of this stuff, and I think yours is by far the best. I especially like how you give lots of specific examples of things to do, but it all boils to the underlying principles of controlling the frame and pushing & pulling. I'll tell you how cool you are some more once I'm sleeping with super-hot women all the time, but first I have to get past this damnable fear of doing a cold approach. Feeling inhibition about approaching whoever I want to is not acceptable to me, and I've finally gotten to the point where I can't take it any more and I'm ready to do whatever it takes, and so now talking to women I don't know is a full-time job, even to the exclusion of other hobbies. But it's a hell of a rush and it gets easier every time.
L. from TX
Thanks for the praise. And keep approaching women. It will get easier. I'm going to be releasing a product where I really crack the code on getting rid of the fear of approaching women. It's very powerful and to my knowledge, I'm the first one to think of it. This will help you immensely.
I'm glad you're motivated. But don't let picking up women consume your life – balance is important. I, in fact, have found that my own success is the highest when I have balance in my life.
I just wanted to say again...you're ebook kicks sooo much ass. I have a couple of friends who are very good at getting girls. Some times I will compete with them over a girl because I think I'm a big shot Pickup Artist that knows all of this stuff about girls. The last time I did this I lost and I talked to the guy about what happened. I analyzed it for a long time and asked him what he does and kind of wrote it down. I was just looking at your ebook again and guess what...they were just doing the stuff you talk about. Mostly the push/pull. We're all good looking guys and my buddy that I lost to will pull girls by giving eye contact and smiles and asking them about themselves and pushing by putting his attention on other things or teasing them. One thing I've noticed when doing push/pull to the extremes...that is, going to far in the directions...you can really make girls want to destroy you. I've had this happen a couple of times when I've gotten girls interested in me or had them believe I was very interested in them and then do something like subtly suggest that I would not be interested in having sex with them or telling them that I like one of their friends. They usually go to large extents to make me look bad to as many people as they can.
What new products are you coming out with?
J from Arizona
When I was trying to figure this stuff out, I, also, noticed guys who were naturally good with women using push-pull. When you are first learning push-pull, you can go overboard. Once, however, you have mastered the skill you will find that you can never go too far with it. The sky is the limit – really!
To answer your question about upcoming products: Yes, I am working on a product that really is a paradigm shift in thinking about the dating and attraction game.
I am impressed by the way you think. You obviously have an awesome level of "natural charisma" and confidence in you. Now doc, I have a problem here. If you can just give me little bit of guidance, that will feel great. I'll explain everything in brief and I'll go in detail later. this girl we hooked up, went out for 2 months. The mistake I did then was I really started kissing up to her. but when it happened, it was like magic. she initially came to my room and @ that time i had no idea that I would ever end up with her.....but magically ..I did... I could not go out with her officially as I'm like one of the care takers in a hostel but I still did go out with her
unofficially. People did suspect and heaps of boys (some of who like her), disliked me. They really had her on(they were not sure) about goin out with me but it was unofficial. Well she knows all the tricks in da
book... I broke up with her 1.5 months ago. I talked to her last time invited her over for drinks in my room but she turned me down as she had a plane to catch. We somehow discussed the past and she passed some rude comment that got me angry and I told her that I never cared about anything including her. She told me that she is with someone else, of what I'm not sure as I've never seen or heard of anyone with her. She got really angry and hung up on me and said do you know what you just said implies?!. we are hardly on talking terms. 'd like to be with her if possible but if not...it's fine. The problem
is we talked 2 weeks ago and she'd gone out for holidays. she's just come back and I don't think I could start talking. anyhow, after a week I went to her room to return something of hers and she just showed that she doesn't care ..I just told her that after having gone out with her, I don't think it's right for me to be just passing next to her and ignoring her. we've been a lot intimate before. I said it's silly and also apologized about the behavior. I explained to her that I was drunk but also told her that I thought that she owed me an apology. she should have the courtesy and respect to say good bye properly...not hang up on me.. Then she replied.."but I did hang up on you" anyway, I left her room but most of the conversation was almost without an eye contact as she was doing something or the other like "studying" or cleaning up her room*(pretending not to care).....now I
like her. want her...but dunno how to go about it.. Any suggestions?
I'm going to give a really detailed in depth response, so get ready. Here it is: Move on!!!!! I'm guessing you don't yet have my book. Get it – immediately!
When you are coming from a place of weakness you try to hold onto things that are over.
But when you have the skills to move through the world, turning wishes into opportunities you can quickly and easily grab a hold of, you can let go of the past. Let me ask you question: If every woman on the planet desired you, would you have written me this email? I have a hunch the answer's "No!" Am I right? Look – I've been in situations where I didn't want to let go of a girl, because I didn't want to be alone, fearing I wouldn't be able to find another girl. I was coming from a place of weakness.
I no longer have this fear – because I have mastery over the necessary skills to attract desirable women anywhere I go. I'm going to teach you step-by-step how to develop these skills, empowering you to attract any woman you desire, annihilating every last morsel of fear you have about being alone. Click here to start mastering these skills: http://www.realworldseduction.com
If you do not yet have the clarity and understanding of the skills needed to generate massive ATTRACTION in women, allowing you to harbor the confidence and experience the success only a handful of men have, pick up a copy of my book today:
Till next time,
To learn more about my secret step-by-step system for attracting women and receive your five day attracting women email mini course visit http://www.realworldseduction.com You can signup and receive part one of the mini course within the next few minutes (All information is 100% confidential and will not be disclosed to any outside parties).
P.S. If you have a success story you would like to share, or a question you would like to ask, or a comment you would like to make, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Include the fist initial of your first and last name. And include the country, state/province, and city you live in.
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